Living With What's Done
by Defying.Expectations
Summary: The story of Selena Snape, Severus Snape's sister. Follow Selena as she reflects over how she and Severus used to be, and as she tries to come to terms with who her brother is now.
1. News

A lady looked up from her breakfast as a large barn owl swooped through her window carrying a newspaper. The owl dropped the paper into her hands and landed beside her, waiting to be paid. The woman began digging through her money pouch, but her hand froze as she read the headline of the paper.

**Albus Dumbledore Murdered At Hands Of Trusted Professor**

Alarmed, the lady read on.

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was murdered last night by a teacher at his own school, Severus Snape._

The lady's hand remained still, every part of her incapable of movement except her eyes, which traveled across the rest of the page.

_Severus Snape was the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts. Dumbledore had vouched for Snape when he had been charged as a former Death Eater, saying that he had changed sides, but unknown to the former Headmaster, Snape had always still been under You-Know-Who's rule. Apparently, the son of Lucius Malfoy (who is currently residing in Azkaban), Draco Malfoy, and Snape had been plotting all year to dispose of Dumbledore. They brought in Death Eaters to the school last night and attacked. The specifics are unclear, as no students or professors were available for comment. _

_Dumbledore had been one of the world's most powerful wizards. Born in 1841, he first…_

The article went on to talk about Dumbledore, but the lady's eyes simply dived over it and reread the first sentence of the passage over and over, as though looking at it again and again would somehow change what was there.

"Ow!" the woman said, as the owl pecked her hand. "What's your problem? Are you mad because I'm not paying you? 'Cause if that's your biggest problem, pal, then you don't have anything to worry about, and you can just – "

She stopped abruptly. Taking out her anger on an owl was not going to solve her problems. Taking her anger out on _anyone_ wouldn't solve her problems. She sighed, gave the owl a treat as a way of apology, and sat back down, reading the first sentence of the article over and over: _Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was murdered last night by a teacher at his own school, Severus Snape. Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was murdered last night by a teacher at his own school, Severus Snape. Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was murdered last night by a teacher at his own school, Severus Snape…_

She sighed and put her head in her hands. She had trusted him, she had thought she knew him. She had cared about him, and was nearly convinced that he cared about her…but now she could never see how she could love him again. He had betrayed her. He had been working for You-Know-Who all along. Why had she ever believed he had changed? The answer was easy enough: she wanted to. She _needed_ to. She had always thought he could change, but she was wrong. No matter how she looked at it though, the truth remained:

Severus Snape had killed Dumbledore. Severus Snape had betrayed all who had trusted him. Severus Snape was still a Death Eater and had always been so. And Severus Snape, whether she liked it or not, was still her brother.

They had always been different, but she had loved him all the same. They were all that they had at times. Sure, they had fought, but she had always cared. But with another unpleasant jolt, she realized she cared no more.

She, Selena Snape, was one year younger than her brother. Her appearance more resembled their mother, with her straight brown hair that waved insanely in no particular order around the ends, brown eyes, and a slightly pointed nose. She had the same pale skin as her brother, and she had also been sorted into Slytherin; but she had never been taken with the Dark Side.

What had gone differently for the two of them? They had grown up in the same house; it wasn't as though they were raised any differently…. Selena had always tried to understand Severus, but it had always been nearly impossible as they got older. Although after Severus had rejoined the right side (or so everyone thought), the two had become closer; writing letters and visiting occasionally. Selena had been so convinced that her brother had turned around, but apparently not…

She got out parchment and a quill to write a letter to Severus. She knew that she would probably never send it, and even if she did it would probably not get to him, as he'd be on the run now. But she needed to do this, so she dipped her quill into her ink and wrote:

_Severus,_

_I can't even begin to express how angry I am with you. To throw away trust so easily, as you have done, is something that is despicable. I had thought better of you, I had thought that it had finally gotten across to you that You-Know-Who is not on the right side. You-Know-Who is not someone to look up to or to follow. I thought you knew that. It shows how wrong I was, and I feel like a complete fool now. Don't you even try to tell me to butt out of your life, because like it or not, I'm in your life. I'm your sister. The Prophet will probably be over here soon to question me, not to mention the Ministry. My name, or our name I should say, (as much as I am repulsed to now link myself with you in any way) follows me everywhere._

_I'm just as mad at myself as I am at you. I feel partly responsible for your actions, even though you were deep in the Dark Arts long before I could stop you. I guess it's a natural thing, as I'm a part of your family. Does even a tiny part of you regret anything you've done? If so, that's good. You should feel that way. You chose the wrong way and now you have to deal with it. You had a chance, Severus, you had a few opportunities. But you missed them all, too proud to admit your mistakes._

_Selena Snape_

She rolled up the parchment. When Apollo, her owl, saw this, he immediately flew down onto the table surface and stuck out his leg. She hesitated, but she knew that she would not be content with herself if she did not do this.

"It's for Severus," said Selena, tying the parchment to his leg. "But I doubt that you – if you can't find him, that's alright."

Apollo hooted in response and flew out the window.

Selena sat back down, her appetite lost. She pushed away her half-eaten porridge and placed her head in one hand.

What had happened that made her and Severus so different? Why had he joined the Dark Side? Was it something that she'd had some control of? Or would it have happened no matter what?

Selena could remember the day that Severus had gotten his Hogwarts letter. At first, it was uncertain whether he would be allowed to go, as their father was a Muggle and hated all magical things. Their mother had not told him she was a witch until after they had married, and he didn't take the news too well. Thankfully, their mum took a stand (for once) and so Severus was allowed to attend Hogwarts, as was Selena the next year.

* * *

_"Snape, Selena!" McGonagall called. Selena nervously stepped towards the stool, and McGonagall placed the hat on her head._

_"Hmm," said a small voice as the hat slid over Selena's face and obscured her vision with darkness. "Interesting…plenty of determination and ambition…cunning, clever…but also very loyal…very…yes…. Now…where should I put you?"_

Slytherin_, Selena thought silently. _Put me in Slytherin

_"You want to be in Slytherin, do you?" the tiny voice replied. "Are you sure? I was rather thinking Hufflepuff…you're fair and committed…or even Gryffindor, if you like…your bursts of recklessness can be quite daring…"_

It's got to be Slytherin, _Selena thought desperately. _Put me in Slytherin.

_"You have Slytherin traits, this is true," the voice responded. "Yet I feel that is not your proper place. Any reason in particular that Slytherin feels like the right House?"_

Because that's where my brother is, _Selena replied. She couldn't quite see herself not being in the same House as him._

_"Well, if that's what you want," said the small voice. "You'll be able to watch your brother easier, I suppose…yes, Slytherin will be good for you on second thought…very good…yes, you'll do well in SLYTHERIN!"_

_The hat shouted the last word to everyone, causing all at the Slytherin table to clap, and Selena hopped off the stool and slid into a seat across from Severus, who was looking at her almost appraisingly._

_After everyone had been Sorted, food suddenly appeared on the once empty golden plates. The food was wonderful, but Selena couldn't enjoy it fully. She was having second thoughts about insisting so on being sorted in Slytherin, as one often does after they have made a important decision. Perhaps the hat was right, perhaps she didn't really belong here. She looked over at the Hufflepuff table, the place she had almost been put, but they didn't look much different, aside from the fact that their ties on their uniforms were yellow and black instead of green and gray. Maybe she'd be alright here._

_Once all the food was gone and the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had made a speech and bade them goodnight, Selena followed the Prefect who was shouting for the first years down to the dormitory. The Prefect pointed out the girl's dormitories and the boy's, and Selena gave Severus a quick wave and headed up the steps._

_Selena met the other girls in her dormitory as they picked their beds and changed into their pajamas. There was Darcy Nott, Narcissa Black, Rosemary Flint, and Melissa Cooper. Darcy, Narcissa, and Rosemary, Selena was disappointed to find out, all were from pureblood families and seemed to fit what her brother had said was the 'typical Slytherin' – having the attitude that anyone who was not pureblood wasn't fit to live amongst other witches and wizards. Selena quickly took her brother's advice, and 'forgot' to mention the fact that her father was a Muggle. It seemed Melissa was rather uncomfortable around them as well, and as the other three girls began talking amongst themselves about purebloods, she leaned over to Selena, tossed her dark red hair out of her face, and with an uneasy glance at the gossiping girls, whispered, "Actually, my mum's Muggleborn. Both my parents were in Ravenclaw, I don't think they'll like that I've gotten into Slytherin, it's got a pretty bad reputation…everyone says it always turns out Dark wizards and witches…" Melissa trailed off uneasily, her sea-green eyes nervously watching the others._

_"Well, that won't be the case with us, will it?" Selena said briskly, and Melissa gave her a small smile._

_"What about you?" Melissa asked. "Are you pureblood?"_

_Selena glanced over at the other girls, who were thankfully still absorbed in a conversation about blood relations. "My dad's a Muggle," Selena said in a barely audible voice. "It's a miracle he let me and my brother come to Hogwarts – he hates anything magic. My mum didn't exactly tell him she was a witch 'til after their wedding day."_

_"I'll bet that was a nice wedding present for him," said Melissa, grinning. _If only you knew, _Selena found herself thinking. But she forced a smile onto her face that matched the other girl's, and climbed into bed._

* * *

As the memory of her first day faded, Selena realized that she was late for work, having been distracted by the morning events. She hastily jumped up and Apparated to St. Mungo's, breaking into a run as she realized she was fifteen minutes behind schedule. She ran towards floor four, where she was treating a man with flowers sprouting from his ears, when she collided with someone coming out of a ward, causing Selena to drop all her paperwork.

"Sorry!" said Selena quickly, bending down to pick her stuff up.

"Selena! I – I'm sorry, I didn't – didn't see – I'm sorry – " Selena glanced up to see who she had crashed into. It was one of her co-workers, Jennifer Trunk. She looked positively terrified, and her voice seemed to be a pitch above normal.

"Jennifer, what happened?" Selena asked, stuffing the last of her papers back into her folder and standing up. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine!" Jennifer said, her dark eyes diving nervously around, and Selena could've sworn that Jennifer almost started stepping backwards. "Just fine!"

Selena gave her a quizzical look. It wasn't as though her and Jennifer were best friends, but they had always been on good terms.

"Is it a patient?" Selena asked.

"Everyone's fine," said Jennifer quickly. "Well, I've got to go – that man with the wings, you know – bye!"

Selena opened her mouth to reply, but Jennifer had already dashed away.

Frowning, Selena hurried on to Kenneth Eber's room. The flowers, to her dismay, were still in full bloom. She tried to comfort her patient, but it did not seem to have any effect. If anything, Mr. Eber's face grew more and more disgusted the longer Selena talked about how the potion would take effect and eradicate the flowers from their current position.

"_There _you are!" a voice said behind her. Turning, Selena saw Melissa Bones (formerly Cooper) step into the ward.

"Hey, Melissa," said Selena.

"Where've you been?" Melissa wanted to know, coming towards her. "You're a little behind, you know."

"I know, I know," said Selena, waving a hand airily and turning back to Kenneth. Selena quickly mixed up another dose of his potion (Kenneth look repulsed as he took the glass) and headed down the hall with Melissa. Selena was relieved that Melissa seemed to have plenty to say about her work, because Selena really did not want to start in on anything about her morning.

As they walked down the halls, Selena observed the other Healers and staff members. Most of them were acting rather peculiar: shooting her glares, dropping their gaze to their feet, or falling silent as they walked by, then buzzing to one another.

"What is going on with everyone?" Selena finally said to Melissa. "Everyone's acting like I've – like I've done something terrible!" In all truth, she was fairly certain she knew what was going on, but she did not feel ready to admit it.

Melissa looked uncomfortable. "I'm sure it's nothing, Selena," she said, and quickly tried to change the subject. Selena wouldn't let her.

"I'm sure it's nothing, too," Selena said sarcastically.

"Well," said Melissa, as they turned into the long term ward. She hesitated, then said, "I'm sure you got today's paper?"

It was like being smacked hard in the face, maybe worse. She had known, of course, but to have it confirmed by Melissa put it in new perspective…. But the truth was unavoidable now.

"I don't believe it," said Selena quietly, as she headed over to Frank Longbottom. "They think…because we share a name…they assume…"

Her nerves completely shot, Selena yelled, "DAMN IT!" and then proceeded to curse with every word under the sun beneath her breath.

"Selena," said Melissa pleadingly. "They're idiots, the lot of them…they don't know you, if they did, they wouldn't think – "

"I wouldn't want people like that to know me anyway," Selena snarled, slamming her paperwork on a nightstand. "I wouldn't want – they're all just ba – "

"Maybe you should take a break," Melissa said gently. Selena sighed, covered her face with her hands, and shook her head slowly.

"No…no, I'm good," said Selena, and she made her face move to a smile, removing her hands to try and prove her point to Melissa. "I'm okay."

The two women did not speak for a long time. Instead they worked silently and efficiently in the ward; together, but not.

"When's the funeral?" Selena asked suddenly, after nearly forty minutes.

"What?" said Melissa absently, busy trying to settle Alice Longbottom into her bed.

"The funeral…Dum – Dumbledore's funeral."

"I think the paper said in a week," said Melissa, giving Selena a sideways glance.

Selena paused for a moment. "I'm going to go."

"To the funeral?"

"Mm-hmm," said Selena, and as though someone had flicked a switch, she suddenly looked quite pleased and content. She now dusted off Gilderoy Lockhart's photos of himself with more enthusiasm. "I've got a few sick days still, I can go."

"But…don't you think…I mean…"

"Lots of people are going. It's not that strange."

"Well, no, not for most people…"

"I see no reason why it'd be different for me then," Selena said with a absolute note of finality in her voice. "Are you going to go?"

"Well, if you're going I suppose so," said Melissa slowly, looking at Selena carefully. "It's always good to go back to Hogwarts…"

"Great," said Selena, a sort of satisfied sneer creeping onto her face. "We'll go then."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay with this?" Melissa said uncertainly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Selena asked, giving Melissa a hard stare. Melissa grinned at her.

"That's the Selena I know," she said cheerfully. "Come on, I've got to see Wilber and you've got to check in on Diane."

"Right, see you!" Selena called, as they turned opposite ways.

As she headed off, Selena wondered if she was making the right choice. Would she really be able to attend Dumbledore's funeral?

_No one has to know my name,_ she thought. _There will be thousands of people there, no one's going to focus on me._

Even though Selena tried to make herself believe this, she knew she really did not. But she kept telling the lie to herself. It was all she could do.


	2. S N A P E

**Forgot to put this on the first one...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything of this, everything belongs to the brilliant Jo Rowling. All I can take credit for owning is a computer, a imagination, and my delightful OCs. **

**Please read and review, I'm always looking for feedback! Thanks!**

* * *

So it was that Selena found herself about to book a room at the Hog's Head. This had not been her first choice, staying at the Hog's Head, but as so many witches and wizards were coming to Dumbledore's funeral, there was not much space left.

She stepped up to the desk. "I'd like to book a room for two; we'll be staying in several days time."

"Name?" the barman asked roughly.

"Selena Snape."

"Snape, you said?"

Selena just snapped. She'd had it. "Yes, it's _Snape_. I'm related to him, okay? But just because we're siblings doesn't mean we're alike! It gives you no right to judge me, got it? I'm nothing like the man who killed – "

"Slow down," the barman said, holding up a filthy hand and looking rather bemused. "I only wanted to know how it was spelled."

"Oh," said Selena, feeling her cheeks grow hot. "Right. It's S-N-A-P-E." She darted out of the bar as quick as possible, and headed over to The Three Broomsticks.

Selena ordered herself a butterbeer and waited for Melissa to come.

* * *

_"How d'you do that Transfiguration spell?" Melissa asked, as she attempted once again to turn her match into a needle._

_"It's more of a light, gentle motion," said Selena, watching her friend's feeble attempts. "Don't jerk your wand so much."_

_"How'd you get so good at all these spells?" Melissa asked her, as Selena easily demonstrated for her. "We're only on our first week of school and somehow you've managed to do everything on your first try!"_

_"I did a lot of spells before I came to Hogwarts," said Selena casually, now making the needle fly across the room._

_"I thought your dad hates magic," said Melissa._

_"He does," said Selena, as she distractedly made the needle twirl rapidly in the air. "But that didn't mean I couldn't practice it, you know."_

_"And you were never caught?"_

_"Oh sure, I was caught sometimes," said Selena, whisking the needle into her hand and giving it to Melissa. "But so what? I got yelled at and all that, sure, but it was all worth it once I learned my first spell." Her tone was a lot more casual than she was feeling. " Severus helped me a lot too – if you think I'm good, you should see him." Selena lowered her voice importantly. "He already knows spells at O.W.L. level!"_

_"Wow," said Melissa, clearly impressed. Selena beamed with pride, looking over at her brother as she did so. Severus was in a corner, talking in a low voice with Lucius Malfoy and some other boys whose names Selena wasn't sure of. She wasn't sure why Severus was friends with those people, since as far as she could see they were, as Severus had put it, more 'typical Slytherins' – and if that was the case, he must have told some large lies to get in with that crowd._

_Selena shrugged it off. Maybe they were all really okay. Maybe they had really accepted Severus for who he was, despite his family tree. Maybe the whole 'typical Slytherin' thing didn't really exist – although it seemed to from what she had seen of her fellow Slytherins, aside from Melissa of course. But maybe it was just a lot of talk, what all these Slytherins did with the pureblood thing. Maybe it was just to make themselves look good, the way many people suck up to others when they first meet them._

_Perplexed, Selena shook herself away from her confusing thoughts and began to work on her Potions essay._

* * *

"Selena!" It was Melissa, hurrying towards her.

"Hi, Melissa," said Selena vaguely, as the memory faded from her eyes.

"Did you get us a room?" Melissa asked, sliding into a seat across from her.

"Yeah," said Selena, her face screwing up in disgust. "Except it's at the Hog's Head."

Melissa wrinkled her nose. "Well, I didn't expect much better," she said, sipping her butterbeer. "Everyone's coming in for the funeral. And lots of people are trying to take their kids away from Hogwarts, they think it's too dangerous now. I don't see how the kids would be any safer at home, though."

Selena nodded distractedly, her eyes fixed on the distant figure of Hogwarts. _Are you actually ready for this, Snape?_

* * *

The large barn owl was soaring through her window again. Selena gritted her teeth and paid the owl, then scanned the headline. Nothing of importance. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and continued eating her breakfast.

Several minutes later, she spotted another owl in the distance flying towards her. As the animal came closer, Selena realized it was her owl, Apollo.

Apollo flew in and landed by her plate, sticking out his leg and hooting happily. Curiously, Selena untied the parchment and opened it up. Written in small, cramped writing, it read:

_Never judge a man's actions unless you know the reasons behind them._

The letter wasn't signed; it didn't need to be. Selena could recognize those tiny, cramped letters anytime. She had seen them nearly her whole life.

And they belonged to her dear brother.

Her breakfast lay forgotten. Selena bolted up and Apparated to work.

After poking her head into many doors, she finally found Melissa and nearly dragged her into the nearest empty ward. Selena placed an soundproofing charm on the door, then turned to Melissa, who was looking at her worriedly.

"Selena, what's wrong?" Melissa asked cautiously.

"I – he – wrote – today – that – " Realizing that she was not going to be able to form a sentence, Selena handed the letter to Melissa, who read it, then looked at her curiously.

"Well?" Selena snapped.

"Well what?" said Melissa.

"He – that – from – him – "

"Selena," Melissa said patiently. "Calmly and slowly explain, please."

"It's from him," Selena spat.

"From _who_?" Melissa wanted to know.

"My brother," said Selena shortly.

Melissa's eyes widened. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I mean, it's not signed…and even if it was…it could be from anyone…"

"It's him all right," Selena said. "That's his hand writing – I'd know it anywhere."

"I wonder why he's writing to you," Melissa mused aloud. "You'd think he'd be doing all he could to not be caught…yet he's taking the time to write you a letter – "

"I wouldn't call it a letter," said Selena, looking at the single sentence written on the paper.

"But it's still interesting," said Melissa thoughtfully. "Because, judging by this letter – I mean sentence, " she corrected hastily as Selena opened her mouth again. "Judging by this sentence, he wants you to think…that he wasn't doing anything wrong or something."

"And he thinks he's going to make me believe that?!"

"Calm down, Selena," said Melissa placidly. "I don't know…I'm just trying to figure out his intentions, that's all. I mean, he wouldn't do this if he didn't have some sort of reason."

Selena frowned, thinking. Melissa was right: why _was_ Severus taking time to write to her? Surely he'd be on the run, doing tasks for You-Know-Who…that worthless, scummy –

"Let's not worry about it," said Melissa firmly, before Selena could slip too far into thought. "Come on – we've both got work to do."

Selena nodded, even though she knew that she _would _continue to worry about it, and walked out the door.

* * *

_"Hey, Snivillus!"_

_Selena stopped abruptly. She had heard that name many times, even though she had only been at Hogwarts a few months. They were never addressing her, the boys who said it, but her brother. Severus kept telling her to stay out of his affairs, and Selena had listened to him so far, but it had gotten harder and harder every time she saw those boys picking on him._

_Selena turned to see the boys advancing on Severus, who had been working by the beech tree. Severus quickly stood up and reached into his pocket for his wand, but the others were one step ahead of him._

"Tarantallegra!" _a boy with messy black hair bellowed, and Severus' legs began jerking under him uncontrollably. The boys laughed, along with some of the onlookers who had gathered around. Selena glared at them, feeling completely powerless despite the fact that she had her wand in her pocket._

_One of the other boys lifted the spell, and said, "All right, Snivillus?"_

Shut up, you, _Selena thought angrily. She felt herself reaching into her robes for her wand, but reminded herself that Severus would be mad with her if she did so._

_Another of the boys knocked Severus off his feet as he tried to get back up. Selena looked around; why didn't one of Severus' friends ever come and help him? It was obvious that in a four against one match that he had nearly no chance._

_The boys continued to laugh, now one of them cast a spell that made him break into hives._

_Selena'd had it. Quietly, casually, she began to walk behind the boys and slowly pulled out her wand. As cool as could be, she silently hit one of the boys with a well-placed jinx._

_The boy whom she'd hit, the one with messy black hair, immediately cursed loudly as his front teeth began growing at a alarming rate. Selena quickly disappeared into the crowd before the boys could find her, and hurried off to the Slytherin Common Room._

_She had not gotten very far when a shoulder bumped her roughly, jostling her slightly to one side. "What were you thinking?" a voice demanded. Turning, Selena saw Severus beside her, looking beside himself with fury._

_"I was helping you," said Selena calmly._

_"I told you I can take care of myself!" Severus snarled._

_"I could see you were doing a good job of that," said Selena, raising one eyebrow._

_"You only make it worse! I don't need you butting into my life! They're going to think I told someone to help me and then they'll treat me even worse!"_

_"So I'll help you again," said Selena. "You don't stand a chance when it's four against one, Severus, you know that."_

_"I get back at them on my own time," said Severus dismissively. "Which is why I don't need _you _interfering!"_

_"A thank you will do for today," said Selena coldly. "And next time I won't bother."_

_"I'll thank you for _that!"


	3. The Funeral

**Reviews are always lovely (hint, hint)... Even if you don't like it, please drop a review and let me know why. I'm always open to constructive critisism.**

* * *

"I can't believe I'm really going to do this," Selena muttered to Melissa as they headed up to Hogwarts for the funeral.

"You'll be fine," said Melissa. "And if anyone starts bugging you, then…hex them."

"Yeah," said Selena sarcastically, "and then they'll _really_ believe I'm nothing like my brother."

"I was kidding, Selena."

"This isn't a 'kidding' issue."

Selena and Melissa headed up the steps and found seats among the immense crowd. Selena eyed the people from the Ministry and Prophet. Would they perhaps recognize her…?

Melissa nudged her. "Relax, will you? No one's going to pay attention to you here. This event's about Dumbledore."

"Melissa, this event _connects_ to me. If anyone spots me, I'm as good as dead."

She realized that, as they were at a funeral, this was not exactly the best comment to make, when Melissa gave her a dirty look and said, "Don't say that."

"Well, it's pretty much true! Everyone thinks that just because him and I were in the same House and were – were _friends _– " she tossed out the word with repulsion and venom " – that it makes us the same! We wrote _letters_, Melissa, I even _visited_ him. I'll bet you there's _someone_ here who knows that, do you really think they're going to believe that I'm not in anyway helping him?!"

"Yes," said Melissa honestly. "Just tell them the truth – what more is there to do? And I'm right here, Selena, you're not in this alone."

Selena looked away. It was good to know that she had people on her side, but she still could not shake away the feeling that all of this was partly her fault…that if she hadn't been foolish enough to trust Severus, if she hadn't been so _stupid_…maybe none of them would be here…

A strange, musical sound rising from the lake, and Selena spotted see the mermaids, singing a song that she could not understand, but it clearly was about loss and despair. Selena shivered, shifting her gaze uneasily to the grass.

Hagrid, crying heavily, walked up the center aisle, carrying a bundle in a purple blanket, which she knew at once to be Dumbledore's body. Selena chewed on her lip as Hagrid walked with Dumbledore; Melissa elbowed her again with a whispered, "Stop it." Hagrid carried Dumbledore up to the long table placed at the front, and retreated to his seat, blowing his nose loudly.

A tiny man had gotten up and was now making a speech about Dumbledore. "Great wizard"…"tragic loss"…"Headmaster at Hogwarts"…the words sort of drifted into Selena's ears in fragments.

She wasn't really listening anymore, and simply surveyed the crowd; something she often preferred to the thing she was supposed to have her attention on. She wondered what they were feeling. Did any of them feel guilty as she did? Were they related to ones that had done such wrong?

* * *

_"You need to eat something, Melissa."_

_"I'm not hungry," said Melissa stubbornly._

_Selena pressed her lips together. "It's the first match of the year!"_

_"Exactly," said Melissa. "I don't want it to be remembered as the day Melissa Cooper retched all over the Quidditch pitch!"_

_Selena was about to snap back when an owl landed beside her and held out it's leg, a scroll of parchment attached to it. Selena raised one eyebrow._

_"I think you have the wrong person," she told the owl._

_The owl just stuck out it's leg farther._

_"It's got your name on it," said Melissa, peering at the scroll. "And Severus'."_

_"Really?" It did. Perplexed, Selena untied the scroll and unrolled it. She read it silently. Both her eyebrows shot up this time._

_"Damn."_

_"What's up?" Melissa asked._

_"Mum wants us to come home for Christmas break this year," Selena said, resting her head on one hand miserably._

_Always the optimist, Melissa said, "Well, maybe you'll be able to talk her out of it. Tell her how much you love Hogwarts, and that if you had to leave it would really just tear you apart, since all your friends are staying – "_

_"You are?"_

_"Well, no, but it couldn't hurt to lay it on thick…"_

_The pair spent the rest of breakfast trying to make the other feel better, then they headed onto the field. Selena wished her best friend luck and headed into the stands._

_"Aaand here come the Gryffindors…. Weasley…Johnson…Davies…Potter…"_

_Not seeing much space available in the stands, Selena slid into a seat beside Narcissa Black, who spared her one look of disdain before turning her eyes back to the field._

_"It's Potter with the Quaffle – he passes to Chang – Chang heading towards the goalposts – and – yes! Gryffindor scores!"_

_Everyone around Selena booed loudly. Selena rolled her eyes. She had never quite seen the appeal of Quidditch, but watched anyway for Melissa. After all, what kind of friend would she be if she had to wait to hear from Melissa if her team had won or not? _

_Five minutes into the match, Selena's eyes had already left the field and were instead focused on the people in the stands, who, in her opinion, were a lot more interesting than a bunch of balls. As several large fifth years got up and left, Selena could see her brother sitting up ahead. She fingered the letter from her mum that was in her pocket._

Now or never, _she thought grimly, and stood to go talk to him. She was not exactly thrilled with the prospect of spilling the bad news to Severus. He could have a very foul temper, and she didn't like being at the brunt of it._

_Selena sat down next to him, and fidgeted uncomfortably with the hem of her robe. How was she supposed to tell him?_

_Severus glanced at her expectantly. "Well?"_

_Selena hesitated. _Just tell him slowly. _"You know what?"_

_"Actually, I don't know 'what'," said Severus, sneering. "Why? Is he a friend of yours?"_

_Selena scowled. "Very witty, Severus."_

_"Thank you."_

_"I'm serious, though."_

_"So am I. Will you introduce me to him?"_

_"Just read this," she snapped, shoving the paper into his hand._

_Severus unfolded the crumpled paper and read it silently. Then he looked at her. "What?"_

_"What d'you mean, 'what'? Don't start in with that rubbish again – "_

_"I wasn't going to," said Severus, his mouth curving into a amused smirk. "I meant what about it?"_

_"Didn't you read the letter? Mum wants us to spend Christmas break with her!"_

_"So…?"_

_"So? _So?! _Are you telling me you _want _to go home for Christmas?"_

_"I don't recall saying anything of the sort," said Severus, turning back to watch the game._

_"But – then – "_

_"Just because we want something, Selena, doesn't mean we always get it."_

_"I don't want to go home for the holidays – "_

_"So why are you getting so upset about this?"_

_"I don't want to hurt her feelings!" Selena cried._

_"How nice," said Severus sardonically._

_"Are you saying you don't care about Mum?"_

_"You seem to be far off with pin-pointing my feelings today. No, I did not say that – but I can't quite say I would be upset if we turned her down and – ah – 'hurt her feelings'."_

_Selena just stared at him. After several seconds, Severus glanced at her._

_"You really shouldn't go around with your mouth slack like that; it doesn't do much good for your appearance."_

_Selena quickly shut her mouth and glared at him._

_"Really, Selena," said Severus, his narrowed eyes following James Potter fly through the air "You shouldn't bother worrying about someone who doesn't worry about you."_

_Her brother sure said strange things sometimes. But there did seem to be truth to it – their mum didn't really seem to give a damn about either of them, otherwise she would have stood up to their father a long time ago._

_The two siblings watched the rest of the match together in silence, only breaking it to clap when the Slytherin Seeker, Lucius Malfoy, caught the Snitch._

* * *

Several screams jerked Selena away from the memory, and she gasped as well. White flames had risen around Dumbledore's body, emitting white smoke that made strange shapes. But then, the fire vanished, and a white tomb now encased Dumbledore's body.

A sudden burst of arrows followed this, and Selena caught a glimpse of centaurs, galloping away into the forest.

The funeral was over; people slowly began to rise. Susan Bones, Melissa's daughter, was hurrying towards them.

"Hi, Selena," she said as she ran towards them, her long plait flying in the wind.

Selena managed a smile. "Hi, Susan."

Melissa began talking to her daughter, and Selena watched the crowd, hoping the Ministry and the Prophet would not spot her. It seemed Scrimgeour was talking to a dark haired teenage boy, who looked about as happy to talk to him as Selena would've.

"That's Harry Potter," said Susan, seeing where Selena was looking.

"Is it really?" Selena asked, watching the boy with more interest.

"Yeah – apparently he was with Dumbledore when – when it happened," Susan stumbled.

"So Scrimgeour's questioning him, is he?" said Selena, watching the two with narrowed eyes. "That manipulating jerk…" Melissa, sensing a rant, quickly tried to distract her friend, chatting about some Quidditch team or other.

As Melissa's mouth began to slow down, Scrimgeour's did as well. He began limping away angrily. Then he then spotted Selena, and, much to her dismay, began to head towards her.

"Here we go," muttered Selena. "You two go on," she said to Melissa and Susan. "I've got to do this on my own."

"Are you sure?" Melissa asked.

Selena gave her a strange smile, eyeing the Minister out of the corner of her eye. "Yeah. Scrimgeour wants to talk to me, so he'll get to talk to me."

Melissa and Susan left (Melissa looking as though it were against her better judgement), and Selena faced Scrimgeour, her face completely blank.

"Good afternoon, ma'am," Scrimgeour said, as he came up to her.

Selena gave a decisive 'pfft'. "I wouldn't call it a _good _afternoon, Minister," she said, giving him a sideways glance as they began walking along the lake.

"No, no," said Scrimgeour hastily. "You misunderstand me completely, miss – "

"Then we have something in common," said Selena airily. "As you seem to constantly misunderstand me."

The corners of Scrimgeour's mouth twitched slightly, but he managed to hold his smile in place.

"So what can I do for you, sir?" said Selena calmly.

"I'm sure this is a very difficult time for you – "

"It is for all of us, Minister," said Selena shortly. "I don't want more pity than anyone else."

"I'm not offering you anymore than I would to anyone else," said Scrimgeour, and this time his voice betrayed a touch of impatience. "This is a difficult time for us all, and we need all the information possible concerning the Dark Side – "

"Can we please cut to the chase, sir?" Selena said lightly. "I do have things to do, as much as I would love to chat."

"Are you still in contact with your brother?" Scrimgeour asked, rather sharper than he seemed to intend.

Selena let out a harsh laugh. "Yes, I always make it my business to keep in contact with Death Eaters, Minister," she said.

"This is not a joking matter," said Scrimgeour, and there was no kindness in his voice anymore. "Are you or are you not still in contact with Severus Snape?"

"What do you think?" Selena asked him.

Scrimgeour ignored this inquiry. "Do you have any information on his whereabouts?"

"Minister, do you really think someone on the run would be giving out their location?" Selena asked, raising one eyebrow. "I mean, obviously I've never been on the run myself, but my brother's no idiot, you know. I don't think he'd be writing down his hiding places in his letters that could easily be intercepted."

"So you have received a letter then?" said Scrimgeour quickly, latching on to her slight slip.

Selena's eyes narrowed. "I do believe, Minister, that we have discussed before what is your business and what is not," she said coldly. "Back when Severus first started working at Hogwarts? Yes, I'm sure you remember that meeting well…you were the Head of the Aurors, and you came to me, butting into my life as you are doing now…"

"So you admit to writing to him, then?" Scrimgeour persisted. "You admit to being in contact?"

"I admit," said Selena acidly, "to writing him a letter and receiving a single sentence in reply."

"What about?"

"That is not your concern. _Sir_," she added spitefully.

Scrimgeour's face had become contorted in a rather hideous expression.

"Look," said Selena impatiently, "I wrote to him after I received the news about Dumbledore's death, alright? I wasn't sure if I'd get a reply, but amazingly, I did. It was a single sentence that contained nothing of importance. I do not know where Severus is, nor am I helping him in anyway. Don't believe me? Well, your loss, I guess, because I'm telling the truth, and no amount of Veritasium would tell you differently."

Scrimgeour studied her carefully for a moment. "You know nothing?" he said slowly.

"Nothing," said Selena firmly, looking directly into his yellow eyes.

Scrimgeour considered her for a moment. "In that case," he said, his tone lightening a touch, "can you please give us some family history? Perhaps any strange behavior? Odd occurrences?"

"Minister, if I could not spot anything strange in my brother's behavior, I doubt you'd be able to either."

"Can you talk about him as a child?" Scrimgeour implored. "What do you think made him – "

"These are questions that ended our last meeting, sir," said Selena, talking over him. "My business is my business."

"Surely there were signs that – "

"Severus and I grew up in the same home," Selena continued over him, "and we both turned out very differently, as I'm sure you can see. There were no, as you put it, 'signs' that would've tipped me off before it was too late."

Scrimgeour glared at her. "You're not going to talk at all, are you?"

"Nope," said Selena, sitting down and skipping a stone into the lake. "I'm so glad we finally reached that conclusion."

Scrimgeour glowered at her for a moment, then limped away. Selena shook her head as he left, smiling in spite of herself.


	4. The Royal Snapes

_Severus,_

_Are you trying to tell me that you had justified reasons for killing Dumbledore? If so, you're not going to convince me, so don't waste your time. There are no good reasons for killing someone. Ever. There never has been, and there never will be. So don't start giving me all those quotes in the hopes that I'll think you're actually committing noble acts by way of murder. I don't care what You-Know-Who said, nor do I care what any of the people you're in league with said. Don't tell me you were pressured into doing it, or you were made to. Don't tell lies when you know there's no chance the person you're lying to won't believe you. It's a waste of your time, and it's a waste of mine._

_Selena Snape_

What was she doing? Why was she writing to him yet again? There was nothing to be gained from it. Selena frowned down at the piece of parchment.

Apollo swooped down next to her and held out his leg, waiting for Selena to tie the parchment on.

"Give me a moment," said Selena absently. She re-read what she had written several times. Apollo nudged her hand impatiently.

"Should I send it, Apollo?" Selena asked him. "Or is it pointless?"

Apollo just stuck out his leg farther.

"You don't care if it's pointless, do you?" she said, half laughing. "So long as you have a job. Well, it couldn't hurt to send it, I suppose."

Selena obeyingly tied the letter to Apollo's foot, who then hooted happily and soared out the window.

* * *

_Selena crept up silently behind Severus, who was hunched over in a armchair in the Slytherin Common room. She peered over his shoulder as he scribbled furiously on a piece of parchment. Then he brought his textbook closer and wrote something on it._

_"You're not supposed to write in books!" said Selena indignantly._

_Startled, Severus slammed the book shut and whipped his head around, cursing when he saw who was there. "What are you doing here?" he snapped at her._

_"What do you think I'm doing here?" Selena asked, flopping into a chair next to him. "It's Christmas break."_

_"I didn't know you were staying," said Severus, still glaring at her._

_Selena laughed. "What, did you think I'd go back home for Christmas? Yeah, right. That'd be a _real _merry Christmas. Anyway, I didn't last year, why would I go this year?"_

_"I don't know," he mumbled. "I just didn't think you were watching me."_

_"And that brings us back to you writing in your book," said Selena, frowning at him. "Why are you doing that? It's the school's copy, not that you should write in it even if it was yours!"_

_"It was already marked."_

_"Two wrongs don't make a right."_

_"You sound like a teacher."_

_"The way you act, I need to," Selena said crossly, and swiftly grabbed the textbook Severus had been writing in._

_"Give me that!"_

_Selena dashed onto the landing of the girl's staircase, where Severus would not be able to reach her, as any boys who tried to climb them would immediately fall down._

_"Give it back, Selena!"_

_Smirking, Selena opened the Defense Against the Dark Arts book and began flipping through it. Words had been squeezed in between nearly all the margins, written in a small, untidy scrawl._

_"D'you do this to all your textbooks?" Selena asked him curiously, turning the pages._

"Give me that!"

_Selena continued to flip through the book leisurely, pleased that for once she had control over her brother instead of the other way around._

_Severus whipped out his wand angrily; Selena easily deflected his spell._

_"Give me my _book

_"Only if you promise to never write in textbooks again."_

_"Okay, I promise!"_

_"I want a sincere answer," said Selena, and finally finished looking through the book. Some words on the inside back cover caught her eye:_

This book is the Property of the Half-Blood Prince.

_"Half-Blood Prince?" Selena read aloud. She grinned at Severus, who looked positively furious. "You call yourself the _Half-Blood Prince_?" Selena couldn't help it, she cracked up. Severus easily got the book from her as she was laughing too hard to defend herself._

_"Shut up, Selena," Severus snarled, sitting back down and holding the book protectively._

_"The – Half – Blood – Prince!" Selena gasped in-between fits of laughter. "Prince – like our – mum – Half-Blood – Prince!"_

_Severus shot a well placed jinx at Selena, and she immediately felt her legs quake underneath her, as though they were jelly. At that moment she couldn't have cared less, though._ Prince…!

_"If you tell anyone…" Severus threatened in menacing tones._

_"I won't," Selena sniggered. "But really – Half-Blood Prince? And I thought – you didn't – want anyone knowing – that our dad's – a Muggle."_

_"I don't. That's why I don't want you blabbing to everyone."_

_"Fine," said Selena, recovering from her giggles. "Here, take your book…_Prince

_She burst into peels of laughter again, as Severus looked at her with utmost contempt. She breathed in deeply to calm herself, and headed up the girl's dormitory staircase. Struck with a sudden thought, she turned at the top landing and called down, "Does that make me the Half-Blood _Princess

_A textbook soared over her head in response. Selena ducked and grinned recklessly. "I guess so."_

_Another book came flying through the air, but Selena didn't duck this time. The book went a foot over her head; she knew Severus would never hurt her that bad._

_"Is this our castle?" Selena wondered aloud, as she skipped around the landing. "It's rather nice, I suppose – but is it really fit for a Prince? It could do with some more writing on the walls, Severus, perhaps you could decorate…?"_

_Laughing loudly, Selena barely shut the door fast enough to avoid the hurtling book._

* * *

Selena sat on a limb of the beech tree, gazing out at the lake. Perched up there, she felt a strange sort of peace with herself that she had not felt recently. It were as though it were just her in the tree. At that moment, nothing could change that, nothing else mattered.

She was not sure how long she was up there, avoiding life, but suddenly she heard a faint meow. Selena turned her gaze down to see a gray tabby cat at the foot of the tree. The cat lightly climbed up the tree and onto the limb Selena was resting. The two sat side by side together, cat and owl, for a long while, looking out at the stillness of the lake.

Suddenly, the cat meowed again and nimbly jumped from the tree. The cat then looked up at her expectantly. Selena reluctantly flew down beside the cat and transformed back into herself, as the cat did the same.

"Good afternoon, Selena," Minerva McGonagall said.

"Hello," Selena said quietly. "How did you know it was me?"

"I recognized your markings. It's not like I've never seen you transform."

"Right," said Selena distantly, her eyes focused vaguely on the lake. "I didn't think anyone else would be here, though."

"I work here, Selena," said McGonagall gently.

"Yes, but I thought that the staff would go home for the summer."

"I've been back and forth," sighed McGonagall. "I've been rather busy even though I should be off duty…I've been handling certain affairs of Dum – I mean, I've been trying to sort out – the – "

"The murder?" Selena supplied grimly.

McGonagall didn't respond, but she didn't need to; they both knew the truth.

Selena silently sat down beside the lake, staring fixedly at the water, as she couldn't trust herself to look anywhere else. McGonagall hesitated, then sat down beside her.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Selena," said McGonagall. "It's not your fault."

"You don't get it," said Selena. "And not to be rude, but I'd prefer to be alone right now."

"Maybe I don't get it," McGonagall said reasonably, choosing to only acknowledge the first half of what Selena had said, "but I know none of this is your fault."

"I know it's not," said Selena, hugging her knees to her chest. "But perhaps I take a part of the blame."

"No – "

"Yes," said Selena firmly. "I grew up with him, I must have influenced him somewhat, and you can't deny it."

McGonagall didn't deny it, whether because she agreed or because she didn't want to argue fruitlessly, Selena did not know.

"He's still my brother," said Selena, skipping a stone into the lake and watching the ripples. "I must have done something. I was in his life…" She watched the ripples spread outwards, farther, farther, farther, until they vanished. "I must've affected it in some way, even though now I'm pretty much gone from it."

"You don't know for sure that you took a part in shaping him."

"Don't lie to me. I did." Her words were harsh, yet she did not speak them with anger. They were said with a calm, serene sort of air to them, which made it even more eerie to listen to her; how she could be so pained and yet come off so at ease.

The two lapsed back into silence, watching the smooth lake shimmer in the sunlight.

"I'd better get going," said Selena after a while, standing up.

McGonagall stood up as well. "You'll always be welcome at Hogwarts," she said, giving her a tense smile.

"Thanks," said Selena, shaking her hand.

"At the Order as well."

"Still?" Selena asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Of course," said McGonagall sharply. "Why not?"

"Well, I figured…I dunno, with Dumbledore – "

"Dumbledore would've wanted you to remain a member," McGonagall snapped. "So you'll continue to be one."

Selena couldn't help it; she smiled. "Alright."

McGonagall nodded curtly at her, then headed back towards the castle. Selena turned back into a owl and soared over the lake, thinking how some things would always be the same: like the way McGonagall was so strict and sharp; the way she'd always feel somewhat guilty about Severus' wrong-doings; the way the beech tree would always stand; the way that her Animagus would always be an owl; and the way that the ripples from a stone in the water would always spread outward, farther, farther, farther, and then vanish.


	5. Fighting, Falling, Losing

**Please drop a review if you read, it does make a starving writer's day brighter. :)**

* * *

"You're kidding," Selena said to Apollo. "Is this from _him_?"

Apollo hooted. Selena quickly untied the parchment from his leg and unrolled it.

_I would have thought better of you. Your statement 'I feel like a complete fool' is now completely true, as it seems that you are as thick as ever. Once again, Selena, you've done your best to figure things out, and yet still come far off the mark._

He had written back. Again. Why? Her brother never did anything without a reason that he would benefit from. What was in it for him?

Selena frowned down at the paper, tracing her mouth in thought. She looked at Apollo. "Was Severus acting strange when you took his letter? Did he say anything to you?"

Apollo blinked at her.

"You know you're losing it when your asking your owl to answer you, Selena," she muttered to herself. "Well, thanks anyway."

Selena quickly Apparated to St. Mungo's, the letter still clutched tightly in her hands. She found Melissa and once again dragged her into the nearest ward, which was thankfully empty.

"Another one?" Melissa hissed as Selena shut the door and soundproofed it.

"Yeah," said Selena, handing her the letter. Melissa quickly scanned the paper, and did the unthinkable: She laughed. Just stood there and _laughed_.

That's what friends are for, eh?

"Melissa!" Selena cried. "This is serious!"

"I'm sorry," Melissa managed to sputter, her shoulders shaking slightly as she continued to chortle.

"There's nothing funny about this!" said Selena furiously.

"I know, I know," Melissa laughed, stuffing her fist in her mouth to silence herself. Selena gave Melissa a withering glare. After several seconds Melissa recovered from her giggles, so she removed her hand and said, "Look…obviously, this situation is about as far away from funny as you could get…but this – " she waved the letter in the air, a small grin on her face " – this is just…it's…." Something in Selena's expression must have told her she had gone too far though, for her face suddenly changed and she said, "I'm sorry."

"You should be," said Selena waspishly, snatching the letter from her friend's hand.

"Selena…"

"No."

"Selena." Melissa took her shoulders, forcing Selena to look at her. "I am sorry, okay? But this…I don't know…I mean…" she glanced at the letter lying on a bedside table "…some of the things he said…" Melissa smiled slightly. "I mean…it's just so…_him_."

"Whoop-dee-do," said Selena spitefully, jerking away from her friend's grasp. "'It's just so _him_'. Like I really wanted to deal with _him_ during this whole mess. Some help you are," she spat out as an afterthought. "Very supportive, Melissa, very – what the hell does he think he's doing, anyway? Is this some thing that You-Know-Who put him up to? Or is he just trying to butter me up, get me on his side? What – "

"Selena," said Melissa gently, "you can't let this get in the way of your life."

"I'm not letting it – "

"Then let's get back to work," Melissa cut her off, looking a little impatiently at her friend.

"Fine," Selena snapped, not very maturely. She stalked out of the room.

* * *

_"Good morning, Severus!" Selena said cheerfully, as she skipped into the Common Room. Severus looked up at her from the armchair he was hunched in, one eyebrow raised._

_"And then you say, 'Good morning, Selena!'" she told him, sitting in a chair across from him._

_Severus just shook his head and went back to scribbling in his book._

_"And then I say, 'How're you doing today?'" Selena continued. "And you would say, 'Fine, and you?' Or, of course, if you were not fine, you might say 'Not so good, but how are you?'"_

_"What are you doing?" Severus asked her._

_"Teaching you manners. You seem to lack them."_

_"Ha, ha," Severus said dryly._

_"Well, if you didn't you would have said, 'Good morning, Sel – "_

_"Alright, alright," Severus cut her off, waving a hand at her impatiently and continuing to write._

_"You're _still _writing in books?" Selena asked, sounding exasperated._

_"I did it last year; don't sound so shocked."_

_"I thought maybe you saw fit to change."_

_"Don't get your hopes up."_

_"Why are you working today, anyway? It's Saturday."_

_"So?"_

_"You don't always need to be working."_

_"Why not? If I want to, I should have license – "_

_"You need some fun," said Selena firmly. "You work too hard." Severus rolled his eyes, but Selena paid him no mind and hurried out._

_Once out in the hall, she realized she did not have any sort of plan. She wandered around aimlessly, passing various students who were strolling by._

_Near the Gryffindor portrait hole, she suddenly heard a burst of loud swearing and jumbled curses. She peered around the corner._

_"Regulus?"_

_Regulus Black immediately rounded on her, wand raised and gray eyes blazing. _

_"Oh, it's you," he muttered, dropping his wand to his side and spinning around furiously, glaring at the wall._

_Selena stepped closer. Regulus Black, a Slytherin in her year, did hang out with the crowd Severus usually spent time with, but by himself he wasn't so bad. _Sort of like Severus. _Actually, she felt rather bad for him at times – his brother seemed to be constantly on his case, and Regulus often seemed quite unsure of what to do with himself. "Are you alright?" she asked warily._

_"Yeah," said Regulus. "My brother just annoys the crap out of me sometimes – but I'm sure that's something you can relate to," he added, with a sideways glance at her._

_Selena laughed, a little bitterly. "Obviously."_

_"It's that blasted Potter, too," Regulus continued, scowling. "They both were under that darned Invisibility cloak, so I couldn't see where they were, and suddenly I'm breaking out into hives…"_

_"Invisibility cloak?" Selena broke in curiously._

_"Technically, I don't know about it," said Regulus, rolling his eyes. "But I'm not as thick as Sirius sometimes presumes me to be. They're always yammering about it, they don't even treat it like a secret. It's almost as though they want everyone to know, and to realize how great they are."_

_The wheels in her head were spinning. "Do you have any idea where they were headed next?"_

_"They said something about Evans – " Regulus stopped, and glanced at her. "But I wouldn't be getting any ideas."_

_"Oh?" Selena asked, giving him a innocent smile. "Why's that?"_

_"Potter practically worships that thing," said Regulus, disgust written all over his face. "And Severus is proof of what they do to those that get on their bad side, Selena…if you steal it…"_

_"I'm not going to steal it, Regulus," said Selena, still using her bubbly, innocent voice. "What ever gave you that idea? I was thinking more along the lines of having James Potter loan it to me."_

_He raised his eyebrows skeptically. Selena's charming smile remained for several seconds more, then her usual smirk took over._

_"See you around, Regulus," said Selena, and she strolled away._

_A little later that day, Selena hurried into the Slytherin Common Room, spotted her brother, and dashed towards him._

_"Come on," she whispered._

_"Come on what?"_

_"Under here." Selena unwrapped the tight bundle she'd been holding, and held it up with a flourish. She grinned at his bewildered face._

_"Where'd you get that?" Severus demanded._

_"James Potter."_

_"Potter gave you his – "_

_"No, I borrowed it," Selena said with a smirk._

_Severus looked impressed. "That's not something you normally do."_

_"I'll take that as a compliment," said Selena, admiring her 'borrowed' item._

_"How'd you get it?"_

_"You're not the only one who's good at magic," said Selena, pretending to be offended._

_"But how'd you get past the Gryffindor portrait?"_

_"I didn't. James left it in the Astronomy Tower."_

_"Just left it there? Even Potter can't be _that _thick?"_

_"He was distracted by a certain Lily Evans," said Selena, her smirk growing wider. "So I took the opportunity to place the Disillusion charm on myself, and snuck along the walls to grab the cloak. So, are you coming?"_

_Severus' eyes glinted maliciously, so Selena took that for 'yes', tossed the cloak over the both of them, and slipped out._

_"There's Black," Severus whispered. "What jinx should I use…"_

_"I didn't get this cloak so you could hex all the Marauders," Selena hissed at him._

_"Well, what else would we do?"_

_"I don't know, get food from the kitchens? Give Mrs. Norris a kick?"_

_"Come on, Selena, this is my chance," said Severus quietly, as they stepped nearer and nearer to Sirius, who was attempting to look as though he were up to nothing, leaning against the wall. But the sneer lingering around his mouth told otherwise._ _"It won't hurt him…not _too _much anyway…"_

_"Severus!"_

_"I was kidding."_

_"I doubt it."_

_Ignoring this last comment, Severus pulled his wand from his robes and muttered, _"Langlock!"

_"I've never heard of that spell," Selena murmured as they positioned themselves against a wall to watch the outcome._

_"You wouldn't have," Severus replied. "I invented it."_

_"Huh?"_

_"I invented that spell," said Severus calmly, watching Sirius with a mixture of vindictive pleasure and satisfaction. "It causes your tongues to become stuck to the roof of your mouth. This should be entertaining, I've never used it before. Black the guinea pig…" he sneered._

_"You invented a spell?"_

_"That's what I just said."_

_"Really? You actually created your _own _spell?"_

_"How many times do I have to repeat myself?"_

_"Wow," Selena breathed. "That's – "_

_"Shh," Severus hissed. "Potter's coming. Now maybe that idiot will realize he's been hit with a jinx."_

_"Padfoot," James said, "did you take my cloak?"_

_"Nhh," said Sirius, looking over at his friend. He frowned at the strange sound that came from his mouth. He tried again: "Nhll," he slurred._

_"You okay?" James asked him._

_Sirius glanced at him again, then around the room. "H 'ung," he said._

_"What was the spell, mate?" said James, not seeming very concerned to find his best friend without the ability to speak._

_Sirius seemed to decide talking was pointless and shrugged._

_"So you don't know when it happened?"_

_Sirius shook his head. The two were silent for a moment, then Sirius pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket and hastily wrote something down, then shoved it in front of James' face._

_"Snape?" James read aloud. He looked at Sirius. "You think ol' Snivillus did it? But you didn't see him – _ooo-hhh_. You think he took my cloak?"_

_Sirius nodded fervently. Selena threw a worried look at Severus and motioned for them to get going, but Severus just shook his head._

_"That greasy git," said James casually, casting his eyes around. "Well, we'll get him sometime. I just wish I knew what that spell was, then I could counter it…" He frowned at Sirius. "C'mon, I'm sure Moony and Wormtail will have some ideas." The two left._

_"How will they figure out the counter-curse?" Selena asked worriedly. "Only you know it, since you've never used that spell before…"_

_"Who cares?" said Severus, a satisfied smirk on his face._

_"You know, maybe if you didn't do so much to them, they wouldn't pick on you either," Selena said repremandingly._

_"This is one of those things you're never going to get, Selena."_

_"I get it better than you might think," said Selena angrily. "And it's true, you hurt them just as much as they hurt you. If you just cut it out for once – "_

_"Look," said Severus irritably, "why don't you just stay out of my business?"_

_"You're making it my business just by being related to me! People reach conclusions based on these things, and they think – "_

_"Does it look like I care what people think?" Severus demanded._

_"No, but it's about time you did!" said Selena. "If you would just lay off people for once and act at least a bit civil – "_

_"I'm civil when I need to be," said Severus, glaring at her. "Would you quit acting so superior?"_

_"You're my brother!" Selena cried. "I'm not going to just watch you become – "_

_"Stay out of my life, Selena!" With that, Severus tossed the cloak off both of them and stormed away._

* * *

_I'm still far off the mark, am I? Then what exactly is the correct mark? Because, as near I can tell, I'm on the mark perfectly. There's no way you can keep denying it without solid proof, Severus. Fancy words don't mean a thing. You've got nothing to back up your statements, so why don't you just give it up?_

_Selena Snape_

_I must be crazy, _Selena thought. _I'm writing to a man who's a Death Eater and whom I despise. Why? What for?_ She still could not answer these questions. She didn't still care about him, she knew that…but there was a small part of her that couldn't help wondering whether she would be unnerved should he turn up dead or be taken to dementors. She didn't much like this part of her.

But there was another reason she kept writing: a part of her was curious. She wanted to see what Severus' reaction would be, every time she kept writing back. Would he keep responding? Would he say something that revealed his true intention? Would he try and lure her somewhere? What would he do?

Then there was the question that followed each of these: what would _she _do? This was the question that scared her. So, not wanting to dwell on it, she Apparated to work.

* * *

"The meeting will now commence," said Minerva McGonagall. Everyone instantly grew silent.

"Well," said McGonagall, "we don't have much to report on any whereabouts of Death Eaters or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

The large group murmured uneasily.

"But," McGonagall continued, "we've been able to locate several large groups of dementors. Where there are dementors, there are often followers of You-Know-Who, to tell them orders and give commands." McGonagall pointed to several areas on a large map. "It's not much of a plan, but I think it's time we tried to do something – we haven't done much since Albus – " McGonagall's voice had become strained, but she quickly cleared her throat and said, "Perhaps we would be able to capture some Death Eaters. I shall split you up into small groups…"

So McGonagall divvied up the Order members into small groups. Selena was informed that she would be traveling to Bluebell Lake. She glanced over her assigned group members. Alastor Moody always made her feel rather uneasy; the way that even when she used Occlumency it felt as though he could still break into different parts of her mind with that eye of his. Remus Lupin she got along with though, despite their slightly awkward history.

The rest of the meeting past rather uneventfully, as the absence of their former leader had a much bigger impact than Selena had thought possible. Hagrid burst into tears near the end. Selena left in a bit of a hurry as the meeting closed. Melissa quickly chased after her and the two walked in silence for a little way.

"It felt so different," Selena said after awhile. "Without the two of them, I mean. I didn't realize how much they affected the group until now."

"We all affect the group," said Melissa. "If anyone of us left, there would be a difference."

"Yeah," said Selena, "but losing the leader…and losing – you know…it's so…"

"The war'll be over soon," said Melissa quietly. "Then everything will be back to normal."

"I don't think things will ever be back to normal. Not completely."

Melissa frowned, but didn't comment.

"It's not like I ever talked to him or anything while we were there," said Selena, absently kicking a pebble on the sidewalk. "But…it's just…it's just that I…"

"You miss him," said Melissa quietly.

_"No,"_ said Selena sharply, halting and rounding on her friend. "Of course I don't miss him! I don't want him around! I don't miss him at all! I – "

"You miss who he was," said Melissa gently. "Not what he became."

"I don't – "

"Yes you do, Selena," said Melissa kindly, her eyes shinning with unshed tears as she smiled softly at her friend. "It's okay to love someone, you don't – "

_"I don't love – "_

"Selena." Now Melissa was starting to get agitated. "You need to get past this. I'm here to help you through this, and to assist you in getting past it. But I can't help you if you aren't willing to help yourself."

"This is ridiculous!" Selena yelled. "If you want to help me, you wouldn't _laugh_ at the situation, or make _false accusations_ – "

"Damn it, Selena!" said Melissa, her face coloring in anger. "Why can't you just stop pretending that this is all your fault, and that you don't give a damn about Severus – "

"Why can't _you_ just stop being such a bloody fool? You – "

"We don't need to have this argument," said Melissa coldly. Her face was still flushed, but her eyes were now hard and cool. She turned and began to walk onward. "We both know who's right, and endless bickering won't change it."

"Don't you dare leave!" Selena screamed angrily. "Melissa, come – !" Too late. She had already Apparated away.


	6. Accusations

_"Think you're ready for exams?" Melissa asked._

_"Think so," said Selena, carelessly flipping through _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Four, _though her eyes were actually focused elsewhere_. _More specifically, Curtis Blackwood, who was currently leaning against a tree, chatting with his friends. He was in Hufflepuff, one year older than her. Tall, but he didn't tower over her; smooth, dusty blond hair; kind, soft spoken eyes that were like the color of the sea; skin that was a natural light tan color; not skinny, but somehow he appeared gangly. He was sweet, funny, cute, had a awkward air about him, and had even smiled at her – that timid, slightly reckless grin that she loved – yesterday morning at breakfast._

_Melissa, after several seconds of silence, followed Selena's gaze. A knowing, smug smirk spread across her mouth. Selena quickly became aware of this, and hastily cast her eyes back to her book, feeling a faint blush creep across her face. "A-are you?" she stuttered, trying to act like nothing had happened._

_"Not as ready as you," said Melissa, scanning her copy of the book, though still smirking. "But ready enough."_

_"You'll do fine," said Selena, gazing out at the lake in a rather bored fashion; determined to keep her eyes anywhere but Curtis. "Want me to quiz you?"_

_"Alright," said Melissa._

_"Okay," Selena said, leafing through the book to a random page. "Um, what is the proper way to – "_

_"All right, Snivillus?" a voice interrupted loudly. Selena's head whipped around, even though she knew what she'd see. Severus immediately pulled his wand from his robes, but he wasn't fast enough, as James Potter's voice rang through the air again: _"Expelliarmus!" _Severus' wand shot straight into the air and fell behind him._

"Impedimenta!" _Sirius barked. Severus, halfway to his wand, fell right over. A small crowd had begun to gather around them (though not Curtis, Selena noted with some pleasure)._

_"Those boys can be the limit," said Melissa scornfully. "You want to go?"_

_"No," Selena said in a much harsher voice than she'd intended._

_"You want to do something, then?" Melissa asked, a almost malicious glint in her eyes. "I just learned this hex that – "_

_"No," Selena cut her off. "Severus deserves what he gets, I know that."_

_"But not always, it seems…"_

_"I've interfered many times and in the end, I only make it worse," said Selena. "I'm staying out of this."_

_Pink soap bubbles were now pouring from Severus' mouth, and Selena was having a rather hard time remaining sitting by the lake, despite the words she had just spoken. He was gagging, choking, what were those boys – her hand plunged into her robes, all thoughts had left her head but then – _

_"Leave him ALONE!"_

_It was Lily Evans, of all people. Selena was rather caught off guard by her sudden appearance. A Gryffindor prefect…? Why was _she _trying to help Severus?_

_"All right, Evans?" said James, sounding much more mature._

_"Leave him alone," Lily said again, looking at James with nothing but disgust. "What's he done to you?"_

_"Well," said James slowly, "it's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean…"_

_Selena tuned out James and Lily's voices as they continued to argue. She instead watched Severus closely; the Impedimenta spell was wearing off. Slowly, he got up and began to crawl towards his wand, spitting out bubbles along the way. He finally managed to grab his wand. Sirius noticed a second too late, and James was hit by Severus' spell. A gash appeared along the side of his face, spattering blood. James whirled around and a second later Severus was hanging in midair. Selena was having a silent war with herself – she didn't really want to keep watching all this, but at the same time, she did; the way it's often hard to look away from something even if it causes you pain._

_"Let him down!" said Lily angrily._

_"Certainly," said James, causing Severus to fall hard on the ground. He got up speedily, wand at the ready, but then Sirius bellowed, _"Locomortor mortis!" _and Severus was once more knocked off his feet._

_"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" screamed Lily, pulling out her own wand._

_"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James keenly._

_"Take the curse off him, then!" _

_James reluctantly set Severus free. "There you go," he said, as Severus began to get up again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivillus – "_

_"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" said Severus furiously._

_Selena's blood turned icy. Not trusting herself to remain by the lake, she hurriedly gathered her things and went away._

_"Selena, wait!" Melissa called, but Selena kept on ahead towards the castle. Melissa quickly caught up to her, but said nothing. Side by side, the two went back to their Common Room and sat in the armchairs. No one else was in there, as it was a warm day outside._

_Melissa finally broke the silence. "Selena…?"_

_Selena couldn't speak. What was there to say? All her fears, all her worries had just been confirmed with that one sentence. Severus had been becoming more distant from her all year, and with that one comment, she knew everything she'd suspected was true._

_Melissa pressed her lips together nervously, but for once could think of absolutely nothing to say either._

_A person came storming into the Common Room. Selena's eyes dived upward towards the figure: it was Severus. Her shock was slowly being replaced by anger, and as Severus came in, she stood up._

_"What was that about?" she asked him in a level voice._

_Severus looked completely blank as he met her stare. "Surely you've noticed by now, Selena, that Potter and his arrogant friends always are bullying people."_

_"That's not what I meant," said Selena evenly._

_"What did you mean, then?" Severus asked calmly._

_"You know bloody well what I mean!" Selena snapped._

_"Language, Selena," Severus said lazily. "If you have nothing of interest to say, can I please leave? As much as I would love to linger, I have work to do."_

_"You called Lily Evans a Mudblood!" Selena cried._

_"And…?"_

_"And – why?"_

_"She is." Severus didn't falter in his response, but his eyes momentarily broke away from hers._

_"I think the correct term is _Muggle-born_," said Selena angrily._

_"They mean the same thing."_

_"But depending on which you use, it tells a lot about the person saying it!"_

_"Meaning…"_

_"Meaning that in polite conversation you hear 'Muggle-born', but if you're a really foul person you'd say 'Mudblood'."_

_"So I guess I'm a 'foul person' then?" Severus did not look abashed; on the contrary he looked amused and his lip was curling slightly._

_"I had hoped you weren't!" Selena spat. "But after recent events that's the conclusion I've reached! You're friends, that Malfoy boy and all the others? That's the kind of language I expect _them _to use, not you."_

_"Don't insult my friends," Severus snarled, suddenly on defense._

_"Friends?" Selena repeated incredulously. "_Friends? _Isn't that someone who treats you as a equal, who helps you out when you need it? They never seemed like good friends at all. They're typical Slytherins – and they're turning you into one!"_

_"Typical Slytherins don't exist, Selena!" said Severus, raising his voice for the first time. "Whatever I told you before you came to Hogwarts about that, none of it's true! I was eleven when I said all that, you shouldn't have believed it!"_

_"It seems to be true – " Melissa started, trying (and failing) to be helpful._

"You stay out of this!" _Selena and Severus yelled together. Melissa looked rather surprised and hurt that Selena was roaring at _her_, but Selena couldn't sympathize. Her anger was rising every second, she couldn't feel any empathy for Melissa at that moment._

_"Is that what you want?" Selena shouted. "To turn into a typical Slytherin? To become like all those half-witted fools?"_

_"Yes, I would like to become like 'all those half-witted fools'," Severus spat angrily. "If you knew anything about them, maybe you would too."_

_"Of course I wouldn't! Severus, I'd bet you anything those boys are all supporting You-Know-Who!"_

_Severus didn't respond; his face was still unreadable but his eyes were glittering strangely. Selena was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, staring at her brother._

_"Is that all you had to say?" said Severus, in a tone that if an outsider had heard it, they would have guessed the pair had just had a perfectly civilized conversation._

_Selena gaped at him wordlessly, still breathing hard. Severus left towards the boy's dormitories without another word, leaving Selena to stare after him soundlessly. Even after her brother had shut the door, Selena remained rooted to the spot. How long she stood there, she didn't know, but after quite a while she sat back in down in an armchair, and put her hands over her face despairingly._

* * *

Selena was not quite as surprised by the arrival of Severus' next letter. She silently took it from Apollo's beak and unrolled the scroll.

_Exactly. 'As near as I can tell, I am on the mark perfectly.' What if, perhaps, you cannot tell what the whole situation is? Because, as usual, you only see what you want to see, never bothering to dig deeper than you find necessary. I cannot be the one to break the story to you through this form of communication however, but you would not believe a syllable of the truth anyway._

She only saw what she wanted to see? _Do you think for a minute, a moment, a _second _that I _like _seeing you as a murderer, Severus?_

And this whole thing was getting ridiculous. Severus did have a point – he _couldn't_ tell her anything in a letter, and she _wouldn't_ believe anything he said; because he _had_ done terrible things, and there was no way he was getting around it this time. She had fallen for everything he said last time, she wasn't doing that again. No _way_ was she doing that again.

But then what was the point of writing? She should stop, she knew that. But at the same time, she knew that she couldn't. She was hooked into his little scheme, whatever it was…and there was no way out now.

Selena glanced over at Apollo, who was perched on the kitchen counter devouring some sort of small animal. He was probably the only living thing who was not a Death Eater to actually be seeing Severus. It was really a shame he couldn't talk to her.

With a sigh, Selena wandered into her sitting room and fell into one of her armchairs. Apollo flew in after her. Selena watched him fly around in a weary way, as he swooped happily from one area of the room to the next. But as he soared over the fireplace, Selena's eyes dropped down from him to her mantle piece above the fireplace.

Selena inwardly cringed. Glancing where her owl had been flying, she could see that he had been passing by a picture of Selena and Severus when they were little kids. Their dad clearly hadn't been around at that moment, as both of them appeared to be laughing. Severus looked to be around seven; she looked about six. Severus had Selena's arm twisted behind her back, and Selena was attempting to smack him on the head. There were thousands of moving photos up there, many which held Severus, but as Selena did not come into her sitting room very often, she had not remembered to put them away.

In a reckless spurt of anger, she stood from her chair and smacked all the photos containing her brother's face down. She heard some of the glass crack, but she couldn't have cared less. Shaking with fury, she Apparated to work.


	7. He's Never Really Gone

She was just paying for her food at the market when it happened.

"That'll be all for you, ma'am?" the salesclerk questioned, tallying up the price of her food.

"Yes, thank you."

She paid her money and the sales woman held out a reciept for her to sign. Selena scrawled her name and handed it back to her, feeling a knot pulling in her stomach as she braced herself for the comments on her last name. But they didn't come. The lady merely glanced at her name absented-mindedly. "Well, have a nice day Ms. Snape!" the woman said cheerfully.

Perhaps doing this sort of thing had become so routine that the clerk simply did not really read the names of her customers. Or maybe she just did not connect the facts in that instant. Whatever the reason for her unaware attitude, Selena was not about to question it. The knot in her stomach loosened. "You too." She made her way out the door.

"Excuse me, miss."

Selena turned. A young woman with short, tight brown curls that spiraled all over her head and a eager, almost hungry look on her face was standing there. The knot gripped tight.

"Yes?"

"I hope you don't mind me being forward," she began, "but I couldn't help overhearing a little – back in the shop that – well, your surname is Snape – "

"If you'll excuse me for being so abrupt," said Selena, smiling innocently and turning around, "I must get going."

"Oh no, wait," said the woman, stepping in front of Selena's path. "Look, I'll cut to the chase – are you related to Severus Snape?"

Selena blinked down at her. "Excuse me?"

"Severus Snape," said the young woman, "the man who murdered Dumbledore – it's not a very common last name – you must be related to him – " To her astonishment, the woman began rattling off various members of Selena's family, asking which she was.

"I only ask 'cos I just joined the Prophet," she babbled on, "and a interview with a member of his family would be fantastic, you know – 'Relative of a Death Eater Reveals' – 'Secrets of Having Blood Ties with a Murderer' – " she said quietly to herself, testing names of her potential interviews. "Or maybe – "

"Well, you see," said Selena in a coldly sweet voice, "as ah, 'fantastic' as it might be, I don't have time for a interview." She side-stepped the lady and continued on her way. But this journalist was persistent. She just danced in front of her again, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Miss, are you saying you are related to him?

"I did not say that, actually. I said I need to get going." She moved to start walking away, but the young lady blocked her.

"Hold on, miss," she said. "Just tell me what your relation is, I'll leave after – I'm jus' curious – "

"Yes, I'm his sister," Selena barked, irritated. "Now will you leave me be?" She began to move forward, but the next thing she knew someone had grabbed her arm.

_"Oh-my-gosh,"_ the witch (who, in Selena's opinion, was one literally and figuratively) said breathlessly, continuing to pull on Selena's arm. "I don't believe it – see, I – you're – wow, this is – can I ask you a couple questions?"

"We had a agreement," said Selena through her gritted teeth, attempting to keep a hold on her temper.

"Not as an interview," the young woman babbled, "jus' to – you know, get to – see, I would jus' want to know a few things – about you – and about him – what was it like, growing up with him?" Her drilling, reporter tone was kicking in; she suddenly sounded much more professional. "Did you two get along when you were younger? Were you close as you got older? When did you realize that you two would never be alike at all? At the time, did you have any idea that you were growing up in such close proximity with a murderer?"

That did it. Selena wrenched her arm from the girl's grip and stalked away, her hands shaking from suppressed anger.

The young lady couldn't take a hint, though. She was soon in front of Selena's path again.

"Move," Selena growled.

But the reporter side of her had completely dominated; she continued firing off questions like there was no tomorrow. "Did you, like everyone else, believe that he had changed? How do your parents deal with the fact that one of their children is in You-Know-Who's league? If you could see him now, what would you say to him?"

_I would say I wouldn't mind if he murdered you,_ Selena thought, as she stormed forward and pushed her to the side.

Yet the reporter pranced in front of her again, grabbing her arm and talking a mile a minute about everything Selena did not want to hear about.

Selena had lost her hold on her temper. So she pulled her arm roughly from the girl's grasp, and then acted like the adult that she was: stuck up a certain finger on her right hand and told the idiot to go somewhere rather warm.

That sure shut her up. That and probably Selena's expression too, which was contorted hideously with rage. So Selena turned on her heel and Apparated to her house. She collapsed into a armchair with a heavy, defeated sounding _thunk_; trying to block out the painful memories that were surfacing as a result of that moron's questions. It didn't work; they continued to drift to mind, one by one…

* * *

_Selena sat on her bed, finishing up the homework she had to do over the summer._

Question 13: How do you register to become an Animagus?

_She could feel her attention ebbing away as she continued to do the tedious work. True, she did not have many ways to spend her free time at home during the summer, but really…she could do better than this. She dipped her quill in the ink and began an answer:_

To register as an Animagus, you need to be of age. Once you are, you are able to begin your training at

_There was suddenly loud yells coming from outside her door. Selena cringed. She knew what was happening instantly, like a second instinct. She didn't even have to think about the possibilities. There was only one, after all._

_Sometimes it was hard to tell whether it was worse to listen to her dad get angry at someone, or to be the victim of the anger. The yelling continued, getting louder and louder. Selena nervously rapped the end of the quill on her parchment, splattering small dots of ink all over. Even though she was used to this sort of thing, that didn't make it any easier to deal with. More yelling, a loud thud, a door slam, silence. Selena waited several moments before poking her head out into the hall. No one was there. She silently slipped out and knocked gently on Severus' door._

_"It's me," she whispered._

_The door opened a crack, Severus peering at her through one narrowed black eye. Upon seeing who was there, he opened the door wider and jerked his head to indicate her to enter. She quickly went in and Severus shut the door behind her._

_"Oh!" Selena gasped, as she caught sight of her brother's cheek. It was bright red; the outline of a hand clear and pronounced._

_"It's nothing," Severus muttered, glowering at the wall._

_"No it's not," said Selena, striding back over to him and drawing out a wand._

_"Don't!" Severus hissed at her, pushing it away. "You want to get expelled?"_

_"This is Mum's wand, not mine," Selena said, gesturing at the old, frayed end of said wand. "The Ministry'll think she's using magic." Severus tried to disuade her anyway, but she didn't listen. She raised the wand and pointed it at his face. The red slowly faded until Severus looked perfectly normal._

_"Thanks," he mumbled grudgingly, glancing at himself in the reflection of his window._

_"Don't mention it," said Selena softly._

_"You shouldn't have done that," Severus responded. "Dad'll know one of us has used magic if there's no mark."_

_"What, would you have rather walked around with that huge stinging handprint on your face?" Selena retorted. "I can make it come back, if you really want," she added, raising her hand and lifting one eyebrow to indicate she was kidding._

_Severus gave her the ghost of a smile. "No," he said. "I'll pass."_

_"So?" Selena asked him. "What happened?"_

_"Just Dad going on about the usual…you know, no magic related things in the house…I was testing out a new potion…saying he'll beat the snot out of me if I keep on disobeying him…. If Mum wasn't so damn afraid of him, maybe he'd be the one cowering instead of her. She's got no reason to be."_

_"Fear isn't something you can always get rid of," Selena said quietly._

_Severus stared at her incredulously. "She's a witch, Selena. He's a Muggle. What could he possibly do to her if she used magic?"_

_Selena shrugged and sat down on his bed. "I don't know. I don't think we'll ever really know."_

_Severus frowned and sat down next to her. "It's not the bruises that hurt," he said quietly, after a moment. Selena glanced at him out of the corner of her eye; Severus was not one to typically express his feelings to others. "It's not even the words. It's the whole point. You and I are both much more powerful than he is, and he knows it. He knows we can't use magic at this age." Severus was cracking his knuckles angrily now. "Oh, I can't wait until I'm of age, it's only about six months away now…" _

_"But even when you are, what are you going to do? I mean, you can't hurt him seriously…"_

_"Why not?"_

_"Severus!"_

_His frown increased, and he began tracing his mouth with one finger._

_"You didn't really mean that," said Selena quietly, though a tiny voice in her head suspected differently._

_Severus remained silent._

_"Did you?"_

_"I suppose not," he said slowly. "If you really don't want me to. But I am going to do something."_

_"Just…don't get carried away with the idea. I mean…obviously, you will have a large advantage on him once you can use magic. And you could, if you wanted, do far worse things to him than he could ever hope to attempt." She was getting uncomfortable with this conversation, but this had been something that had been pressing at the back of her mind for some time now. Pinching and unpinching a small bunch of her ragged pants nervously, she said, "Just…just keep that in mind, alright?"_

_"You're acting like I'm going to perform the Crutacious Curse," said Severus. Selena couldn't respond, but Severus read her facial expression and answered that instead. "Relax. I wouldn't do that to him."_

_"Good to hear," said Selena, releasing a tight smile. She wished that she could actually believe what she was saying. She knew how much her brother loved revenge…_cruel _revenge…_

Nothing's going to happen, _Selena tried to reassure herself, as she left Severus' room. _Everything is going to be fine. Severus would never do something like that.

_Why was it that it was so much harder to lie to yourself than others?_

* * *

When Melissa came into the staff room the next morning, Selena could tell that something was up. Her friend had a glowing, mischievous look on her face.

"What happened to you?" Selena asked as Melissa sat down opposite her, still beaming.

"Oh, it's not what happened to me," said Melissa casually. "It's what's going to happen to you."

"What did you do?" said Selena cautiously.

"I arranged for you to go out tomorrow night," said Melissa apathetically, trying and failing to look as though she did not have something that she could not wait to tell.

"You arranged for me to go out tomorrow night?" Selena repeated slowly, attempting to dissect Melissa's words in her mind.

"Uh-huh," said Melissa, her smile fighting its way back onto her face.

"And where are we going?"

"There are two parts to that question," said Melissa, her smile becoming more radiant. "Which part shall I answer first?"

Selena ran her question over in her mind. It took a minute for the 'second part' to click, then her eyes widened. "You didn't."

"I said, which part do you want me to answer first?" said Melissa, eyes gleaming brightly.

"You – are – dead."

"Perhaps I'll start with part one," said Melissa cheerfully. "You will be going to The Three Broomsticks; I think it's one of the better pubs at the moment, what with the present situation of most of them being shut."

"Melissa – "

"As for the second part, you're not going out with me," Melissa continued over her. "It happens I have plans. But I found someone who doesn't."

"You – "

"So you and Mr. Blackwood will be going to The Three Broomsticks together." Melissa, still smiling, had a coy, determined glint in her eyes.

Selena made several attempts to say something but could think of nothing, so she slumped in her chair, put her head in her hands, and cried out in frustration.

"You'll have fun."

"I don't believe you," Selena muttered, glaring at her friend through her fingers.

"Yes, you do," said Melissa happily. "You just don't want to believe me."

"He didn't say yes, did he?"

"Of course he did. He says it looks forward to it."

"Did you tell him that I don't?"

"I think that I probably left out that detail," said Melissa airily. "Besides, you'll have a good time once you're out."

"No, I won't," Selena argued through her fingers.

"Well, I'd better be getting on with work!" said Melissa joyfully, springing up from her chair. "See you later, Selena!"

Seeing as the pair of them had been on rocky ground lately, it was probably a good thing that Melissa shut the door before Selena's next spiteful words could reach her ears.


	8. Realizations

**Yep, another plea for reviews. :) Whatever you think of it, please say it (if you hate it, you can say it politely ;)). Thanks.**

* * *

She had no clue what to write back to her brother. What could she say? This was getting pointless. But she wasn't going to let him win this.

She absent-mindedly traced her mouth with her pointer finger, staring vaguely at the kitchen wall. _What would Merlin do,_ she thought, smiling ruefully at the long worn out joke between witches and wizards.

Ten minutes later, she was still gazing at a blank piece of parchment. _Perhaps I should forget this. Just stop writing._ But she was still curious. Would she really be able to leave all her curiosity behind?

Twenty minutes later, she still had not even touched the quill.

Thirty three minutes later, she sighed and rested her head on her hand.

Forty seven minutes later, she released a cry of frustration and banged one hand on the table. Upon hearing this, Apollo flew in and perched on the kitchen counter. He then stared at her intently with his yellow eyes, cocking his head slightly to one side.

Selena let out a slow breath. She hated wasting time like this, but she really wanted to write something. She _needed_ to write something. She knew she wouldn't be able to do anything if she was full of fierce anger at herself for losing this battle, this written war between her and her brother. Not to mention the anger at herself for worrying about someone she knew she shouldn't even be worrying about.

Fifty minutes. With fresh determination, Selena poised the quill in her hand, dipped it in the ink, and wrote:

_Who the hell are you?_

She stared at it for a moment. _Was this what I wanted to say? _It took her a moment, then she realized the answer was yes. Because it was true. She didn't know him anymore.

_I never did._

The thought sent a icy finger through the air. She shivered in the now cold atmosphere, then beckoned Apollo over and tied the scroll to his leg. She watched him nip her finger affectionately, then swoop through the window and out into the sky.

* * *

It was Friday night. The dreaded night. Date night.

_Knock knock!_

"How did I know it was going to be you?" Selena moaned.

"Hey," said Melissa with a grin, pushing past Selena, "I can't always be unpredictable."

"What do you want?"

"To make sure you go through with this," said Melissa cheerily. "And I brought you some things to wear."

"I do have a closet, you know," Selena said, falling into a chair.

"Just take a look." Melissa unwrapped a bundle she'd been holding, and tossed it out grandly, smiling smugly. Selena, who had been looking pointedly at the ground, stole a glance and found herself unable to look away, so filled with horror. It was a dress robe of a brilliant shade of pink. The material was soft and billowy, waving gently as it was unrolled.

"I'm not wearing that," she said immediately.

"Well, there is always option two," said Melissa, laying the hideous robes across a armchair and unfolding another material. These robes were a deep blue velvet, and they were covered in tiny silver and gold sparkles that shimmered ridiculously bright with every twitch you made.

"I'm not wearing that either," said Selena decisively.

"You're going to wear one of them," said Melissa just as decisively.

"We're going to a bar, Melissa."

"Doesn't hurt to look impressive."

"I don't want to look impressive!"

Melissa smirked. "Of course you don't. Now – " she held up one robe in each hand " – are you going to go with option number one – " she lifted the pink robes " – or option number two?" She raised the blue ones.

"Or option number three," said Selena, standing up in a fume. "None of the above."

Melissa looked at the robes, then looked at her friend, still smiling.

"I'm serious, you know," Selena informed her. "In fact, I think I'm going to cancel the date completely."

Melissa pursed her lips and looked at her in a 'uh-huh, sure' sort of way.

"This is the most pointless thing ever, and I can't believe you even set me up like this," Selena continued babbling. "Just because I liked him – what, twenty years ago? – doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to fall at his feet tonight! I don't know _how _you even got the idea that this could go well…"

She rambled on, but her pleas were turned to deaf ears. Within five minutes, Selena was standing in front of her full length mirror. She had managed to wear her own robes, but they were still dress robes, a shade of purple that Melissa had given her consent to.

"They're pretty nice, actually," said Melissa, peering over her shoulder. "The color does complement your eyes nicely."

"My eyes are brown, Melissa, not purple."

"_Complements_, Selena, not _matches_." Melissa rolled her eyes but didn't seem too annoyed, if how much she was beaming was any indication. Selena, meanwhile, glared at her reflection.

"Now what to do with your hair," Melissa mused, picking up a lock of Selena's hair and twirling it between her fingers.

"Don't even go there," Selena warned.

In the end, Melissa settled for smoothing some sort of glup on her friend's hair (Selena did not want to ask what) that made it shiny and sleek. This was done on the promise that Selena would wear the long, dangling, diamond chandelier earrings Melissa had brought along.

"You know what?" said Selena, as she put in the earrings in a defeated manner.

"What?"

"You're acting like it's your daughter's first date: doting excessively, giggling, and squealing."

Melissa snickered at this.

"I hope you don't do this to Susan every time she goes out," said Selena, putting in the other earring. "If you do, I pity her."

Melissa sighed. "Susan's usually at Hogwarts when she goes out. So, no, just you."

"I'll remember that," Selena vowed.

"I don't doubt it."

Selena turned around to face her. Melissa beamed proudly, just like the excited parent Selena had mirrored her to moments before. "You look beautiful!" she gushed.

"I look ridiculous, Melissa."

"You're just not used to looking like this," Melissa consoled. "You look gorgeous, trust me."

"I don't want to look gorgeous," Selena whined pathetically. "I just want to look like myself."

"You might," said Melissa, grinning slyly, "but I'm sure Curtis wouldn't mind seeing you like this."

Selena's eyes narrowed angrily. _"You – "_

"Now, I arranged for you to meet him at eight," said Melissa quickly, "so you should probably leave now." She hugged Selena. "Have fun!"

"I will," Selena reassured her. Melissa either didn't catch the sarcasm, or she chose to ignore it, and pushed her friend out the door. Selena Apparated to Hogsmeade and strode into The Three Broomsticks.

_Oh my God._ There he was. How many years had it been since she'd seen him? Five? Ten? Thirteen? Whatever it was, it had certainly been awhile. But Curtis Blackwood still looked quite like he had at Hogwarts: tall, nervous, blonde, cute, awkward, funny, and sweet was how she had thought of him when she was at school. As for now…?

She reflected on their history together; not that they had much of one. Both she and Curtis had shared mutual feelings for each other at Hogwarts. But, like with everything else, Severus had gotten in the way. She was able to deal with his teasing and rude comments about Curtis (naturally, such things were usually to be expected from any sibling), but what she couldn't handle was Severus' growing fascination with the Dark Arts. So Severus had become her top priority, and she had contented herself with tiny smiles in her crush's direction. And now here he stood.

"Hey, Selena," he said, walking towards her, a smile playing at his mouth.

She smiled weakly. "Hi, Curtis."

They spent a couple very awkward heartbeats standing there, then Curtis jerked his head towards a table. "Shall we…?"

"Yes, of course," said Selena hurriedly.

The pair ordered drinks and then settled themselves at a table.

"So," said Curtis, taking a taste of his Firewhiskey and leaning back in his chair leisurely. "How've you been?"

_How've you been? _Was he just trying to be polite and start a conversation? Or was he trying to imply something? What would he be implying though? Something about her brother? Or maybe he was trying to figure out why she'd 'accepted' to go out with him. Did he think she didn't want to be here? What had she done to give him that signal? Maybe he wasn't having a good time and was trying to think of how to get out of there. But –

_You think too much, Snape,_ she thought, and she tried to clear her head of all thought as she said, "I'm doing okay, and you?"

"Fair," Curtis replied.

Some pointless words were spoken after that; polite chatter about work and Quidditch. Selena could feel the tense atmosphere nearly choking her. It was so thick she could have probably broken it with a hammer.

_I am going to kill Melissa,_ Selena thought, clenching her teeth and glaring at the happy couples sitting at the other tables.

She tried to be a good date, she really did. But soon her attention had wandered back to a subject she wished she had worn out long ago…

* * *

_She was running through a long narrow hallway. Running, running, running…it seemed the farther she ran the longer it looked like she'd have to go. Why she was running, she didn't know, but she did know she needed to get there…_

_As she continued on, she could see vague shapes beginning to come into focus. She kept on. They were people, she could now see, two of them. But what were they doing…?_

_One of them had a wand out, pointing it at the other, who was begging. Selena strained to hear their words:_

_"No…please, don't…please…"_

_The other person laughed coldly. Selena squinted, trying desperately to see. They both sounded like men…but that didn't tell her a whole lot. The laughing one wore a Death Eater mask. The figure on the ground had rather longish hair…and it looked black. But that couldn't be…_

_"Don't…no, please…"_

"Avada Kedavra!" _the figure with the wand cried. The other person fell limp, dead._

_Echoes of laughter from the murderer bounced on the dark walls and Selena scream joined it. _Severus isn't dead, _she thought, running faster than she ever thought possible. _He's not.

_Athletics had never been her strong point, but she was running as fast as the best her age now, her feet barely brushing the ground. The figures were coming in closer…the caster of the spell was walking away…but that wasn't her brother on the ground…_

_She finally came to a stop in front of the person, breathing heavily and feeling like she would collapse. She couldn't tell who the man was, but it wasn't her brother, that was for sure…. She swayed dizzily, feeling almost delirious with happiness._

_"Thank God!" she cried into the dark hallway, gasping for air. "Oh, thank God…"_

_Upon hearing her yelling, the other person turned. Selena's yells caught in her throat, fear penetrating her body. But the person didn't draw out their wand. Instead, they smiled slowly at her. Then they reached up to their face and took off their mask…but Selena couldn't see who it was, as the figure still stood immersed in shadows._

_"Don't tell me you can't recognize your own family," the man said quietly. He started forward slowly. "You disappoint me, Selena."_

_The man stepped into the tiny shiver of light. His features were illuminated, shinning clearly: A young man with long black hair and a hooked nose was smiling widely at her._

_Selena didn't scream this time; too horrified, too in denial._

_"No," she whispered. "No…Severus…"_

_Severus began laughing again, and Selena took off in the direction she had come…but the laughs were getting closer…she couldn't escape him…._

_And then, as suddenly as she was in the dark hall, she was lying flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling of her dormitory and panting as though she really had just run down that long hallway. She lay staring up at the ceiling for several more minutes, letting the dream wash over her and feeling her heart race. _It wasn't real, _she reminded herself repeatedly. _It was a dream. It didn't happen and it never will.

_But certain parts of the dream were so real that it could have happened. Not the part with the hallway changing lengths of course, and with her running endlessly through it, but the part with Severus…that _was _what she had been fearing, after all…_

Stop it, _Selena told herself sharply._

_Seeing as sleep was not even a possibility now that she was wide awake, Selena decided to head down to the Common Room to finish up some homework. It was 3:34 AM according to her watch; very early, but she wasn't tired. She silently gathered her things and left the dormitory. She was barely out the door when she heard voices. She halted immediately._

_"…so you see, there are many advantages to joining up with him. I plan to as soon as I get out of here."_

Bellatrix, _Selena thought scathingly. _Why is she up so late? And who's she talking to?

_Selena got her answer the very next moment._

_"How is Lucius getting on with it?"_

_Severus? Talking to Bellatrix?! She had thought that that was one of the few thing she and Severus had in common: a mutual dislike for the haughty, poised pureblood. But she knew her brother's voice well, and that was certainly him downstairs talking to her._ _In the middle of the night, no less. Selena quickly ducked down so as not to be seen._

_"He's getting on great," said Bellatrix. "Why wouldn't he be? He's in service to the greatest sorcerer in the world."_

_"I was just…wondering," said Severus casually._

_"I can't wait 'til I get out of here," Bellatrix continued. "To be in his service…live up to my family name…just the rest of this year and I'm in…. I've already spoken to him."_

_"Have you?"_

_"Yes."_

_"How did you come about that?"_

_"Rodolphus Lestrange took me."_

_"What was it like?"_

_"Wondrous. The Dark Lord…"_

_Bellatrix went on, but Selena temporarily tuned her out; her thoughts ringing louder than the older girl's words. The Dark Lord? Did she mean You-Know-Who? But…_

_"…it's a life debt, but I don't see why you would back out anyway, unless you were completely foolish."_

_"I see."_

_"You are going to join up with him, correct?"_

_"You mean He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"_

_"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," Bellatrix scoffed. "The _Dark Lord, _Severus. Yes, that's who I mean. You are, aren't you?"_

_Selena waited for his response with baited breath._

_"There are positives and negatives to every situation," said Severus slowly._

_"Positives and negatives?"_

_"Yes…certainly I could see advantages, Bellatrix, but you must look at everything carefully."_

He just doesn't want Bellatrix on his bad side, _Selena tried to convince herself. _He'd never join up with You-Know-Who.

_"What the hell is negative about joining the Dark Lord?" Bellatrix wanted to know, her voice raising slightly in temper._

_"Watch your volume," said Severus calmly. "Maybe the fact that you become a wanted wizard the minute someone spots you doing the tasks he sets you to?"_

_"Pfft," said Bellatrix dismissively. "It's all for a good cause. Besides, if you're careful no one will ever know. You need to straighten out your priorities, Severus. You'll see."_

_"Perhaps…."_

_"You've been seeing your sister, haven't you?" Bellatrix said suddenly._

_"It would be hard not to seeing as we're both in Slytherin…"_

_"You know what I mean," snapped Bellatrix._

_"Do I?"_

_"Don't act thick. She can't see any sense. Her and her friend. They do dishonor to Slytherin, if you ask me."_

_"How's that?" Severus sounded amused, but there was something else in his tone as well…something that sounded as though it might care about what her response would be._

_"She thinks anything with Dark Arts is terrible…and has completely the wrong attitude about the Dark Lord…. I don't know why you even interact with her. I do everything possible to avoid contact with my sister Andromeda, that dim-witted – "_

_"Are thinking highly of You-Know-Who and the Dark Arts qualities of Slytherin House?" Severus interrupted._

_"Of course not…but generally us students in Slytherin appreciate the Dark Lord. It's one of the 'unofficial rules', if you will…you know, like passing notes in class or going out of the castle after hours. The point is, you'd do better not to associate with her. She'll meddle with your thoughts, ruin your reputation."_

_"What reputation?" Now he definitely sounded amused._

_Bellatrix ignored him. "The Dark Lord is the right way, Severus. The Dark Lord is the only way. Just remember that."_

_"Actually, I was aware that there are two ways; his way and the other side's way."_

_"I meant the only correct way, as you very well know," said Bellatrix impatiently. "Don't make the wrong choice. Hopefully at least something I've said tonight has gotten through to you." There was a pause, then she said, "We'd better get back in bed before someone notices our absence."_

_Footsteps could be heard coming up the steps. Selena quickly and silently slipped back into her dormitory, her mind racing._

* * *

"You didn't agree to come here tonight, did you?"

"Huh?" _Real smooth, Snape._ She looked at him, slightly dazed.

"You didn't agree to come here tonight," Curtis said again, though this time he said it more of a statement than a question.

"No, that's not tr – " Selena started to tell him, but stopped when she saw the look in his eyes.

"Why didn't you just say so?"

"I – you're – Curtis, you're a nice guy. I'm just not…" She wasn't sure what she wasn't, so she didn't finish and instead chose to finger the rim of her glass.

They sat silently for a few minutes, listening to other's happiness around them, yet somehow excluded from it.

"You don't seem happy."

Selena met his eyes, and smiled for his benefit. "I'm fine. But tonight has been – well, awkward."

"It's not just about tonight, though," said Curtis. Merlin, she wished he would stop looking at her like that. "You're just…I don't know…troubled."

She had to look away. "I'm fine."

"He doesn't base his joy on account of your happiness," said Curtis quietly, "so why are you returning a favor that needn't be paid?"

He didn't have to say which 'he' he was talking about. There was only one person people referred to her like that.

Selena slammed her glass down. It was a miracle it didn't shatter.

"Would everyone stop bringing him into conversation?" she said through gritted teeth.

"You can still live your life, Selena," said Curtis, as though he hadn't heard her. "It shouldn't matter what he's done with his."

"Listen up, pal – "

"No, Selena, you need to listen." She was surprised to hear how angry he sounded. "Both of you are two different people, and you may not see it, but people realize that. You're living in a hole because of him – "

"Excuse me," said Selena in a soft, dangerous voice, "I don't need _you_ to tell me how to run my life, Blackwood, when you can't even figure out how to run yours."

His eyebrows shot up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Figure it out," Selena spat. She snapped at Madam Rosmerta, who was passing by, to top off her glass; looking determinedly anywhere but her date, who seemed to have the opposite idea.

"Selena…"

She waited a couple of seconds, then, seeing that he was not giving up, glared at him. "Yes?" she said waspishly.

"Look – "

"I am looking."

"I don't mean literally."

"Then you'll have to be more specific," said Selena, her cold tone matching her eyes.

"Why are you blaming yourself? You have nothing to do with him anymore – "

"What makes you so sure?" She regretted saying it the instant it left her lips.

Curtis' eyebrows went way up. "Was that supposed to mean what I thought it meant?"

"How would I know?" Selena shot at him. "I'm not using Legilimency, I was trying to be _courteous_."

Curtis now gave her his full attention with his direct, piercing gaze. "Maybe you're partially right, Selena. Maybe we've both made some mistakes in our lives. But I'm trying to fix them."

"Of course you are," Selena muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

He chose to ignore this. "I don't care what your brother's done. I agreed to come here tonight because of what _you've_ done. It had nothing to do with him."

"If you're trying to pay me a compliment, you're doing a hell of a job," Selena informed him.

"Then let me elaborate," said Curtis, giving her his broad grin that she had fallen in love with over twenty years ago. "As alike as you may be, you're still your own person. There are plenty of people who like you and not him, and I'm sure the same could be said about your brother. I don't care, Selena. Just try and let me, and everyone else for that matter, judge you and not him when determining your character."

"That wasn't exactly a compliment," Selena told her glass.

"No, that was more of a lecture," Curtis admitted. "Perhaps I should try again?"

"I'm not the kind of woman to fall for petty attempts at flattery," said Selena flatly, still speaking to her mug of Firewhiskey.

"'Petty attempts at flattery', eh?" said Curtis, sounding amused. "How about genuine flattery? Would you fall for that?"

He was teasing her, she knew, but she wasn't going to budge. "I'll pass."

From the corner of her eye, she saw his eyebrows knit together slightly, then he took a drink.

_Why are you being like this?_ she thought. _This could be an opportunity for you, if you let it come. Maybe you two could be. Maybe you two _would _be. Or maybe not. But you won't know unless you give him a chance. You've been stuck in this cloud forever, and not just since your brother's latest murder. Why are you like this?_

Another voice in her head responded: _Why else? Severus. Again. It all comes back to him._

But Curtis' words were running through her head, along with Melissa's. Perhaps…maybe…was there more to this than she was willing to admit? Was this _really_ about Severus?

_No,_ she thought suddenly, _no, it's not just about him. This is about me. I don't have the ability to trust and love, or even to really live, that's for certain. But is that really all my brother's fault?_

Her moist eyes lifted up from her cup to her date's gaze. When he saw her expression, his face turned to concerned. "Selena?" His hand reached out for hers, but she withdrew it and placed it in her lap.

"I'm sorry," said Selena. Her voice managed to remain steady as she spoke. She stood from the table. "But this will never work, Curtis. We both know that." She dropped some coins on the table top, keeping her eyes away from his. "I'm sorry you had to suffer through tonight; I hope I didn't cause you too much annoyance." She smiled bitterly at this, then started to walk away.

"Selena," Curtis called after her. "Selena, wait."

She kept walking, right out the door. She was about to Apparate back home when she felt something grasp her arm. She turned around. His face was shadowed from the darkness, but certain features were illuminated in the moonlight.

"Don't leave."

"This will never work, Curtis," said Selena again.

"Why? Why won't it work?" His eyes were searching hers again, yet not as though he were trying to break through her Occlumency barriers. She hated that about him: the fact that he seemed to sense, or would try to sense, what she was feeling without evening reading her mind.

"Our pasts are too different – our views on the world are too different – _we're_ too different."

"Are we?" he asked quietly. His hand was still holding her arm, keeping her by him; yet she still could have pulled away had she chosen to.

_"Yes,"_ said Selena. "This can't work!"

"Why?" he asked again. "Because you won't try to make it work?"

She didn't answer.

"I know we liked each other nearly twenty years ago. But things got in the way then for us; don't let those same things get in the way again. I'm not saying it will work – I'm sure we've both changed. But I think, based on tonight, we might still be quite the same."

They stood for a couple moments in the prevailing silence. Then his hand, still clasped around her arm, slid down and took her hand. She didn't pull away this time.

"Should we go back inside?" Curtis asked quietly.

Selena hesitated, then shook her head. "No…I should really…go…" But she didn't move; she was holding a raging, fierce battle inside her. And she didn't even have a inkling which side would win.

The couple was silent for a few minutes, as Selena's war went on, both sides not even close to winning. Curtis interrupted the battle, inquiring in a teasing yet caring voice, "What's it going to be, Snape? I'd wait forever for you if I could, but eventually I'll need to eat or something."

She barely registered his words or his joke, so wrapped in her thoughts. Then, impulsively, she started walking through the dimly light streets of Hogsmeade, dragging Curtis along by the hand.

Her action was impulsive, but she had a feeling that her impulsiveness, at least this time, had been right on track. She figured they needed this time together. And they had a lot to talk about. She was through living in the past; but that didn't mean she shouldn't open up and share some of it.

Would she regret continuing the date later, strolling along the cobbled roads with Curtis Blackwood? She didn't know. But she had decided that it shouldn't matter what had happened in her past, what had happened to her brother, what had happened to her. It was time to change. And she decided it was about time that she learned to trust again. That she learned to laugh again. That she learned to cry again. That it was about time she learned to love again.

Because really, what else was there to live for?


	9. Familiar Faces

**I promise leaving a review won't kill you!... If it does happen to though, let me know and I'll send you a cookie... :)**

**Okay, so that was a poor stab at humor, but please drop a review if you happen to read! Thanks!**

* * *

_"See you next year," Selena said glumly._

_"Maybe you'll be able to come to my house this summer," said Melissa, hugging her._

_"Yeah, like this year's going to be any different from the rest," said Selena, frowning._

_"Well, we'll see," said Melissa, though she didn't sound too hopeful. "Bye!"_

_"Bye!" Selena called, as she scanned the platform for her mum. Spotting her, she lugged her trunk over._

_"Hello, Selena," said Eileen Snape, giving her daughter a quick hug._

_"Hi, Mum," said Selena, trying to hide her lack of enthusiasm._

_Severus came skulking over soon after. "Are we ready, then?" said Eileen, attempting to be chipper._

_Absorbed in her own sulking over the most likely very bleak summer ahead, Selena walked next to Severus behind their mother, not really being fussed with where she was going. Suddenly her shoulder was bumped, and she staggered slightly to the side._

_"Oh, sorry," said a voice, and a hand grabbed her arm to steady her. She glanced up into the face of the person she had bumped into, and froze._

_"Oh," said Curtis Blackwood again, his face breaking into that heart pounding smile. "Hey, Selena." He released her arm. "How are things?"_

_"Fine," Selena squeaked, her cheeks flaming. She darted a glance ahead of her: Eileen was still meandering away slowly, lost in her own world; but Severus had stopped about ten feet ahead, watching them with a scowl. "Er – you?"_

_"Pretty good," said Curtis. "It'll be nice to come back as a seventh year."_

_"Yes, it will," said Selena, and flushed a darker shade of red. "I mean, for you – I'm not going to – I'll be a sixth – "_

_"Yeah, I know," said Curtis, saving her the trouble of trying to formulate anymore humiliating sentences. "So, you have any plans for the summer?"_

_"No, probably just the usual," said Selena shrilly. Why was he talking to her as though they were friends? He couldn't possibly…."What about you?" And why was her voice about twenty pitches above normal?_

_"Same," said Curtis._

_She dared a look at Severus again. Curtis followed her gaze and raised his eyebrows._

_"He doesn't like me much, does he?" he asked, looking back down at her. She couldn't tell if he was amused or not by her brother's ways._

_"He doesn't like anyone, really," said Selena. She hadn't thought it possible, but she could feel her face heating up even more. Curtis chuckling slightly at her remark only increased the feeling, so she said hastily, "I'd better get going."_

_"Yeah," said Curtis. "Uh, listen Selena, do you – "_

_She didn't know what he was going to ask her, and she never found out. She was afraid to right then, so she quickly said in a falsely cheery voice, "Sorry, I got to go, hope you have a good summer!"_

_"Just a minute," said Curtis, "I wanted to know – "_

_But she had already dived back into the crowd; face burning, palms sweating._

_Had Curtis Blackwood almost asked her out? That couldn't be – she just wanted it to be what had – but maybe he –_

It doesn't matter whether he was going to ask you on a date or whether he just wanted to how the flowers in your garden are growing, Snape, _she told herself firmly. _You have other priorities right now, remember?

_As though to confirm this thought, a voice suddenly muttered in her ear, "Don't tell me you still fancy that idiot."_

_Selena threw her brother a dirty look. "Are you getting yourself confused with others again, Severus?" she said quietly. "You're the only idiot on this platform."_

_"That'll be the day," Severus scoffed as he eyed James Potter across the way, who was fruitlessly trying to impress Lily Evans. "Blackwood may not have a inflated head like Potter, but there are other ways to be thick – "_

_"Shut up," said Selena furiously._

_Severus smirked. "Is that anyway to talk to your family, Selena? As your brother, I am merely looking out for your best interests. If you are to date that moron, you should know a few things about him first – "_

_Selena, enraged, could not think of any good comebacks at that moment. But she deemed stepping hard on her brother's foot adequate enough for now. This earned her a glare, but as Eileen was still ahead of them, both siblings did not want to risk drawing her attention towards them, so the combat ended there._

_Once at a safe distance from everyone else, the three took a portkey to their house. Selena, eager to be out of Severus' direct range, grabbed her trunk and hurried for the door, silently praying that their father was not home. _

_Either no one listened to her prayers or someone heard them too late; for when she knocked Tobias Snape opened the door, scowling at her. A thin trace of alcohol wafted out the door. Selena paused at the doorway, unsure she wanted to enter yet. Eileen and Severus were still back aways, having their routine argument about the Snape sibling's father and how to deal with him (and this argument often lasted awhile)._

_It didn't matter whether she wanted to or not, apparently. Not that it ever did._

_"Well, come on," Tobias snapped. "I didn't open this door just to let air inside. Get in!"_

_Selena did, muttering under her breath, "Nice to see you, too."_

_"What did you say to me?" Tobias demanded._

_"Nothing, Father," Selena said automatically. _He's just testing you, _she reminded herself, trying to keep a hold on her temper. _He wants you to slip up. Don't give in.

_"Think I'm pretty stupid, don't you?" Tobias asked with a slight slur, right on her heels. "Think that I can't hear a damn word, hmm? Think that I'm real thick, since I don't have any freaky powers? Is that it?"_

_"Do you really want me to answer that?" The words had flown out before they had even gone through her mind; they had burst out in a fit of impulsive anger. What was she thinking? Did she want her dad on bad footing with her the first day of summer? _

_A hand came flying towards her face. But it never made contact. He was jerked into the air before his hand could reach her, and suddenly it looked like an invisible person was holding Tobias up by the foot. Severus was walking inside, his wand raised._

_"You can't use magic!" Tobias said weakly. "You'll be expelled!"_

_"You and I both know that's a lie," Severus said quietly. He spoke very calmly, and his face was rather emotionless, but his eyes were glinting with anger. "I'm seventeen now, I can do magic outside of school. Which means that some things are going to change around here."_

_Tobias began to turn red as the blood rushed to his face. Eileen was watching anxiously from where she stood by the door. "Severus," she whispered, looking terrified. "Severus, please…let it be…please, Severus…"_

_Severus ignored her; his eyes fixed on Tobias. "I don't want you laying a hand on either of them – " Severus paused, and, making sure Tobias was watching him, flickered his eyes in Selena's direction and then Eileen's " – or me. Ever again. And if you do…just know that there are plenty worse spells that I can perform. Is that clear?"_

_Tobias muttered something incoherently._

_"Didn't quite catch that," said Severus softly, black eyes still focused intently on their matching pair. "Do speak clearly, Father."_

_"Yes," Tobias mumbled. Severus jerked his wand upward and his dad fell to the floor with a loud thud. With the merest half-smile at Selena, Severus levitated his trunk in front of him and went to his room. _

* * *

"Firewhiskey, please," said Selena wearily, plopping herself on a stool.

"Coming up," said Tom, the barman of the Leaky Cauldron. He poured some into a glass and passed it to her.

"Thanks," said Selena, glancing around warily.

"Looking for someone?" Tom asked her.

"No," said Selena, "not really. Just…making sure that they're not here."

Tom grinned. "I know the feeling."

_No, you don't, _she thought. But she grinned back anyway, weakly.

She wasn't actually looking for a particular person to be in there – she was looking to see if they had made their presence known, was a better way of putting it.

She was looking for wanted posters that bore a resemblance to her.

Luckily, she didn't find any. Smiling slightly to herself, she sipped her drink. Now, it seemed she could have a pleasant evening, reflecting over pleasant memories, and thinking about pleasant people (namely one Curtis Blackwood). Because here, at last, was a place where her brother couldn't haunt her in any shape or form.

Or so she thought.

"Well, well," said a slightly mocking voice. "Selena Snape."

Selena looked around. When she found the owner of the voice, her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Hello, Narcissa," she said coolly.

Narcissa Malfoy sat a few seats away from her, glowering. Though she did look rather annoyed with her present company, she also looked wearier, and as though some of her cool, sophisticated exterior had been worn away slightly. She was pale, even for her; her hair was lank in contrast to when it was usually silky and smooth; and she looked as though she had aged a lot in a short period of time. Her eyes were distinctively red and puffy, and Selena could tell this wasn't just from the drinking.

"It's been a long time, Selena," Narcissa sneered. "How are you doing?"

Selena shrugged. "Not the best. But I've been spending my time well, trying to make the best of things." She smirked. "I've found better things to do than what you've resorted to."

Narcissa held up her glass and raised her eyebrows. "Obviously not," she said, nodding at Selena's drink before taking a sip of her own.

Selena smiled sweetly. "No no, Narcissa, I meant other things. As in what I do for a living."

Narcissa nearly choked on her drink. She set it down with forced calm and looked at Selena, her expression pure loathing. But her eyes, strangely, had become clouded. She opened her mouth in a snarl, but the barman seemed to sense that things were about to get nasty, and said quickly, "Let's keep it friendly, ladies."

They both glared at him. Tom grinned meekly and said, "I just don't want another brawl in here. Had one only a few nights ago. Two men, arguing over shipments of some potion ingredients. One said he hadn't received anything, and he'd ordered several weeks ago. Well, one thing led to another, and soon they were yelling and swearing as loud as they pleased. Then one of them pulled out his wand, and it went steadily downhill from there…"

Tom continued his rambling for several minutes. Both women figured it pointless to tell him that neither of them would have pulled out wands, being much more sensible than that, and instead blatantly ignored him.

Finally Tom was interrupted by a new arrival, which seemed to make him forget all about what he was saying before. So after he had served the newcomer a drink, he went back to cleaning glasses.

Fiddling idly with some expensive looking rings on her fingers, Narcissa spoke again. "I wouldn't have thought you, Selena, would critique the way I run my life."

Selena glanced at her.

"After all," said Narcissa, looking up from her hand and meeting Selena's gaze, "we're both related to men with the same job."

_Forget having a fight using my wand with her, Tom, _Selena thought, as she balled her hands, her nails digging into her palm. _Fists are just as efficient._

Narcissa sneered. "I'm sorry," she said, not looking sorry at all. "I forgot you don't support that way of life at all, do you?"

"Good guess," Selena snarled. "Although why you're openly admitting that _you_ do is beyond me."

Narcissa opened her mouth to reply, but the barman finally had the sense to glance around and check on the old school mates. They both smiled charmingly at him, then when he turned his back again, they went back to icy stares.

"It's no secret, Selena," said Narcissa, fingering the rim of her glass. "What would be the point of denying something that everyone knows is true?"

"Then why are you still around?" Selena asked coldly. "I would have thought they'd given you a joint cell with your husband."

"I'm still here because I have done nothing wrong," said Narcissa, tossing her hair in a superior sort of fashion.

"I'm sure," said Selena sarcastically.

"You think differently?" asked Narcissa, her pale eyes silently daring her.

"Of course I do. Your whole family's in his league."

Narcissa leaned forward slightly. "Why don't you prove it, then? Prove that I am in service to the Dark Lord."

Selena darted a glance at Narcissa's left forearm, which was covered in a silky, pricey fabric, but said nothing.

"That's what I thought," said Narcissa softly, sitting up straight again. "No one else can prove it. Why should you be able to?"

"I can," said Selena, sounding bolder than she felt, "if you let me see your arm."

"And why would I do that?"

"So I can see if it bears the Dark Mark."

"I'm impressed," said Narcissa, not quite able to hide her mocking tone. "You do know your facts after all."

"Then you'll comply?" said Selena, raising one eyebrow.

"I don't take orders from filth," Narcissa spat.

"Gee, that's a shame," said Selena sardonically. "You can never do what your husband tells you, then."

Narcissa chose to ignore this. "That doesn't mean, of course," she continued, a cold note of challenge in her voice, "that there aren't other ways of checking my arm."

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Selena cautiously.

"Just because I won't allow you to doesn't mean you can't," said Narcissa coolly. She glanced up at Selena, who looked at her blankly. "Don't tell me you can't put two and two together, Selena."

"Obviously I can't," said Selena, with a shrug and a quirk of her eyebrow. "Care to tell me?"

Narcissa smirked. "You could force me."

Selena blinked, suddenly not seeing Narcissa in front of her, but Severus.

Narcissa's smirk broadened. "Fancy that," she said softly. "The Order must be getting desperate if they're hiring people who can't even do the job properly."

Selena quickly pushed the memory away, leaned closer so the barman could not hear, and told her quietly, "We already know you're a Death Eater. We don't need any proof. But until you're caught, like your repulsive husband, there's not anything we can do. So just remember this warning, and take caution. Unless you want to see your husband for more than just visiting hours."

Narcissa leered forward as well. "You can't catch me if I'm always running. Just try. I'll always be right ahead of you, always running."

"You mean like your son?" said Selena scathingly.

Narcissa's blue eyes went misty again, but she quickly threw back, "No, I was referring to your brother."

Selena's eyes, unlike Narcissa's, did not start to sting, but something in the bottom of her stomach did lurch unpleasantly. Both women were unable to think of a response, so they continued to glare menacingly. That was when Selena realized she and Narcissa had something in common (as much as the idea of somehow being like Mrs. Malfoy repulsed her): they were both worried about people they loved. Not that, of course, either of them would ever admit it aloud _(or even to ourselves, really)_, but that didn't change it.

Finally, Selena drew back, faced forward again, and took a sip of her Firewhiskey. Narcissa pulled back as well, brushed non-existent dust off her robes, and with a haughty glance around the room took a dainty taste from her glass.

Selena played what had just happened over in her mind, hearing Narcissa challenging her: _"You could force me."_

Yes, she could have very well forced Narcissa to show her the disgusting mark on her arm. She had, after all, made someone else show her their mark. Though it was quite some time ago…

* * *

Knock knock knock!

_A door opened to reveal a sliver of a man, peeking at her from the narrow gap._

_"Selena?"_

_"No, it's Bill," Selena said sarcastically. "Of course it's me, d'you know someone else who looks like I do?"_

_"I just wasn't expecting you."_

_"Who were you expecting?" Selena asked, pushing past him into his house._

_"No one in particular, but…"_

_"What – don't want to see your own sister?" Selena said, settling on a old looking chair._

_"You could have told me you were coming," Severus replied, sitting down across from her._

_"Well, you didn't give me any notice you weren't coming to my graduation," Selena retorted._

_"Sorry," Severus mumbled. "Something came up…"_

_"It's alright," said Selena, waving a hand at him. "I just thought that maybe you could've sent me a owl or something."_

_"It came up rather suddenly," said Severus. "Business, you know."_

_"What are you doing, anyway?" Selena asked him. "I haven't seen you in over a year. Where're you working?"_

_"Ministry," he said promptly._

_"What department?"_

_"The – Department of Magical Transportation."_

_"I didn't know you wanted to work at the Ministry."_

_"Like you said, you haven't seen me in over a year."_

_"True," she said fairly, bottling her surprise of Severus' chosen career path._

_"Any reason in particular for your visit?"_

_"Just wanted to check in."_

_"Well, I might have to leave soon. My job sort of requires 'whenever we need you' hours."_

_"Not a problem, I've got Healer training in an hour anyway."_

_"Wine?"_

_"Sure."_

_Severus pulled out his wand. A bottle and two glasses soared through the air. He flicked his wand again and the bottle poured itself into a glass, which then flew towards Selena. He started to do the same for himself, when he suddenly took in a sharp breath as though in pain, his face twisting slightly._

_"What happened?" Selena asked, alarmed._

_"Nothing," said Severus calmly, face unfathomable again; flicking his wand to finish pouring his glass. "The Ministry's just sent word they want to see me, that's all."_

_Selena looked around the room. "How did they let you know?"_

_Severus stood up. "They've got special devices that you – attach to your body. They – heat up your arm in the area you put it on, so you know when to come in." He put on his traveling cloak. "I'm sorry to leave so suddenly, but I can't afford to get fired on my first year at the office."_

_"What do these objects look like?" said Selena curiously._

_"Well, they're flat, so they can easily fit around your arm without getting in the way…"_

_"May I see it?"_

_"I've really got to go. Perhaps another time."_

_Selena frowned at him. Something didn't fit here. "What's on your arm, Severus?"_

_"A device, like I've just told you about."_

_Selena stood up. "What's on your arm?" she repeated, looking at her brother hard._

_"I just told you," Severus snapped, reaching for the door._

_His back to her, Selena saw an opportunity. _Levicorpus! _she thought. Severus was instantly jerked into the air._

_"What was that for?" he said angrily._

_"To find out why your lying to me," said Selena, striding over to him._

_"So you're using my own spells against me?"_

_"It's only using them against you if you're hiding something." Selena grabbed one of Severus' flailing arms and jerked up the sleeve. Nothing was there. She let go and took his left arm, pulling up the sleeve forcefully. She wasn't quite prepared for what met her eyes._

_There, on his forearm, was a tattoo of a skull with a snake coming out of the mouth, burning black. _

_Selena just stared at it for a moment. She wasn't totally surprised, it _had _been what she'd expected, but to actually see it there was something else…_

_"You didn't," said Selena softly. She looked at his face, which had adopted its usual blank stare. He had stopped swinging his arms. "You didn't," Selena said a bit louder. She looked back at the repulsive image, shaking her head slowly._

_"The Dark Lord is very wise," Severus said evenly. "His plans are far greater than you might think. Perhaps, given the chance, you would join up with him as well…" _

_"I seriously doubt that," said Selena._

_"Fine," said Severus. "Then let me down, please."_

_"Let you down. Let you_ down_," Selena echoed him, as though someone had pressed the replay button. "Why – ? How can you even ask me to do that?"_

_"You and I obviously have different values," said Severus calmly. "And I'll respect your decisions if you respect mine."_

"Respect your decisions?" _Selena repeated incredulously._

_"People can have different ideas about what is right," said Severus evenly._

_"I should turn you in right now," said Selena flatly._

_"But you won't," Severus countered matter-of-factly, watching her with a strange expression in his eyes._

_Selena just blinked at him, unable to move. All she could do was stand there, while Severus began to turn purple in the face from hanging upside-down. After a few minutes or so the spell wore off and Severus fell hard on the ground. He straightened himself, opened the door, and looked right at her. It wasn't a very long time, that they looked at each other, probably less than a second, but it spoke volumes. What it said exactly , Selena couldn't tell, but something clicked for the two of them in that brief moment: this was good-bye. They might never see each other again, whether out of anger at each other, or disappointment, or both. This was it. Did it have to be that way? Neither of them would have ever said it aloud, but they wished it weren't._

_Of course, that second passed, and Severus turned and walked out the door, closing the metaphorical and physical space between him and his sister for what seemed like would be forever._

* * *

"There you go," said Narcissa disdainfully, dropping some coins onto the counter. The loud clinking snapped Selena away from her memory. "See you around, Selena," she added politely for the barman's benefit, then she waltzed away. Selena could only shake her head slightly, and then downed the rest of her drink.


	10. What to Believe

"Oh my gosh," Selena breathed, staring at Apollo in disbelief. "He wrote back?"

Apollo cocked his head and studied her with wide yellow eyes. Fingers trembling, Selena reached out and took the parchment, unrolling it slowly.

_I am the same person I always was. Who else would I be?_

Selena blinked down at the paper several times. Then she called her brother a very crude name aloud, crumpling the paper in her fist. She looked at Apollo, who looked back with mild interest. She glanced back down at the letter, laid it on the kitchen table, and smoothed it out, re-reading it over and over. Then she said the rude name again, and stood up in a huff.

"Fine. I don't care," she announced to no one. "I don't give a damn about this bloody 'contest' – I lose! I forfeit! This is pointless, you jack – " She stopped. _Who am I talking to?_ she wondered. _Why has Severus driven me to this madness?_

_"Ohhh!"_ she groaned, slapping the letter flat on the table with her palm. "My brother is the _limit!_"

And on that unpleasant note, Selena Apparated to work.

* * *

_"Julie, your husband is here to see you," Selena said, poking her head inside Julie's ward and ushering her spouse inside. Selena then continued down the halls into the staff room to take her break._

_It had been two years since she had seen Severus. The pain had gradually faded away, but the scar was still etched into her heart. But she ignored it._ _She tried to convince herself over and over that she could have a life without him. But it was difficult to have this life, knowing how much Severus had failed in his. How much _she _had failed in his. _

_While she had been having that silent battle, she had also been waging another war: the fact that she had not turned Severus in last time she'd had a run-in deeply disturbed her. _You're weak, _she had thought repeatedly ever since. _Weak…weak…weak…. _So perturbed by this, she had vowed to herself that if any situation ever arose where she could have another chance at capturing, sentencing, or killing a Death Eater – _any _Death Eater – she would do it. But she tried to put both the issues behind her as best she could, and went on with her life. She was doing pretty nicely, too. Selena was doing very well in her job considering she had only started less than two years ago, had managed not to hear from her parents since she had moved out, and still had one of the greatest friends anyone could ask for. Yes, life for nineteen year old Selena Eileen Snape could not get much better._

_Too bad scars were permanent. Then things would be close to perfection._

_Melissa was sitting on one of the squishy armchairs in the staff room, sipping a butterbeer, along with several other staff members. "Hey Selena."_

_"Hi," said Selena, sitting down across from her._

_"How're you doing?"_

_"Isn't that what I should be asking you?" Selena asked, glancing down at her friend's large stomach. _

_Melissa grinned. "I'm fine. Really." Her smile faded. "I'm really worried about Paul Ryson though, his bites are getting worse, I don't know what's going wrong – "_

_A burst of fire in mid-air, right between Melissa and Selena, cut her off. Everyone in the room let out loud gasps. The fire slowly vanished and in it's place, drifting towards the floor, was a scrap of parchment and a single red-golden feather._

_"A phoenix feather," said Selena quietly, as she and her fellow co-workers stared at the two objects. "But what…?" She lifted her eyes to meet Melissa's, then the ones surrounding her. "Does anyone here own a phoenix?"_

_She was not surprised by the many shaking heads; phoenixes were not a common bird. Selena uncertainly reached out and took the feather and parchment, when no one else moved to grab them._

_"'Selena Snape," she read aloud, twirling the feather absently in her other hand. "Please come to see me as soon as you get this note. I have urgent business I need to discuss with you, and there is someone with me who I think you would like to see. Yours sincerely, Albus Dumbledore.' Dumbledore?" Selena said incredulously, looking around at all her co-workers, who had now formed in a small circle around her. "What's Dumbledore want with me?"_

_She received a variety of shrugs and clueless looks from her colleagues._

_"Well, I better get going, I suppose," said Selena, standing up. "He wants me there as soon as possible. Tell Horps I had to leave urgently, if he asks; he can dock my pay if he wants," she added with a eye roll._

_"Sure," said Melissa._

_Selena Apparated into Hogsmeade, where she then entered Hogwarts grounds. She went through the enormous doors apprehensively. It was strange being back at Hogwarts. She hadn't been there in two years._

_She nervously walked through the halls towards Dumbledore's office, trying to remember the way there. Having not been much of a trouble maker, she had never actually been to Dumbledore's office herself, but she had thought perhaps she would remember something of the location. No such luck. She was getting completely lost, and as she turned the corner she bumped into someone, dropping all her papers that she'd been holding. She had brought her paperwork from St. Mungo's in the hopes that the meeting with Dumbledore would be short and she could then go right back to work. Of course, now she could see this was a very stupid idea, as now she would have to pick everything up if she kept not looking where she was going._

_"Sorry!" said Selena quickly, not bothering to look at who she'd ran into. She stooped down and began picking up her things. "Um, you wouldn't be able to tell me where Dumbledore's office is, would you?"_

_"Down this hall, when you reach the stone gargoyle say 'Acid Pop'," the person said, sounding amused. The voice was strangely familiar. But it couldn't – _

_"Okay, thanks," said Selena. She picked up the last sheet of paper and stood, about to thank the man properly. Instead, she dropped her papers again and hastily pulled out her wand._

_"It's alright," said the man lazily. "Everyone knows I'm here, so don't go making a fool of yourself."_

_"What are you doing here?" Selena demanded. "How'd you get in?"_

_"I came to apply for a job," said the man calmly. "And I was successful, too. Would you mind lowering your wand? It's rather unnerving to think I'm going to be attacked any minute."_

_"You'd deserve it," Selena snarled. "And don't lie, they wouldn't hire you for a job. Anyway, you already have one."_

_"People can have two jobs," the man said, his eyes glittering. "You'd better go along if you're here to see the Headmaster, Selena. You don't want to keep him waiting."_

_"I think I have a pretty good excuse to keep him waiting, don't you?" said Selena. "Capturing a Death Eater seems like a fair reason for being late."_

_"I told you, it's no secret that I'm here."_

_Just then, Minerva McGonagall turned the corner, stopping at the sight before her._

_"What's going on here?" she asked, her eyes diving back and forth between Selena, who still had her wand threateningly in front of her, and the man standing there, looking like he was enjoying some private joke._

_"I've just found this person wandering the halls," said Selena angrily. "Perhaps we should inform Azkaban they'll be expecting another prisoner?" _

_"What are you talking about?" said McGonagall, looking from one young person to the other. Then something changed in her face. "Oh – have you seen Albus yet, Selena?"_

_"I _was _on my way," said Selena, eyeing the man contemptuously._

_"Well, you'll be pleased to know that everything's been sorted out," said McGonagall calmly._

_"Sorted…out?" Selena repeated stupidly._

_"Yes, Severus has just been hired for the Potions position."_

She's lost it, _Selena thought. She looked at Severus, but his face had that maddening blank look about it. She then looked back at McGonagall, who gave her a small smile._

_"I'm afraid I don't understand," said Selena, nearly laughing with the absurdity of the situation. Had she been very young she would have pinched herself to see if she was dreaming. "You've – hired him?"_

_"Why don't you just go see Albus, Selena," said McGonagall kindly. "He can tell you everything. Severus, did you find your classroom?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I'll take you to your sleeping quarters then," said McGonagall. The two turned and walked on, Selena gaping after them. After a moment she went on to Dumbledore's office._

_"Hello, Selena!" a voice boomed at her. It was Slughorn, walking down the hall with his trunk mid-air in front of him._

_"Sir!" Selena gasped. "You're not – leaving, are you?"_

_"As a matter of fact I am," said Slughorn, coming closer to stop and chat. "I announced I was retiring a while back, but we couldn't seem to find someone until today. Of course, you'll be knowing who that person is."_

_"Severus," Selena said numbly._

_"He'll make a fine Potions teacher," said Slughorn gallantly. "Always was one of the best in his year. I always knew he'd make something of himself."_

They've _all_ lost it, _Selena thought. She gave Slughorn a very stiff smile. He didn't seem to notice, though._

_"Well, take care, Selena!" he said loudly, and made his way onward. Frowning, Selena reached the stone gargoyle and said "Acid Pop", as she had been instructed. The gargoyles leapt aside, to her mild surprise (she had thought perhaps Severus would want to play some sort of joke on her), and she went up the staircase, knocking as she reached the door._

_"Come in!" Dumbledore called pleasantly. Selena opened it. Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, surveying her between his half-moon spectacles, a smile on his face. She sat down opposite him._

_"How are you doing, Selena?" he asked._

_She stared at him for a moment, wondering how someone whom was thought to be so wise could ask such a stupid question. "Oh, I'm _fine_," said Selena, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "My brother's here, your staff's aware and even seem to be happy, sorry, _ecstatic _about it, and now you're probably going to tell me some bull that Severus fed you to get back in on our side." She smiled bitterly. "Yes, I doing _quite _well, thanks."_

_Dumbledore just gazed at her silently, a bemused twinkle in his eyes. Realizing how rude she'd been, Selena flushed and bowed her head._

_"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "But so far things here haven't gone so well."_

_"It's quite alright, no need to apologize," said Dumbledore easily. "I did not expect things to run smoothly upon your arrival. So, you've already seen Severus?"_

_"Yes," said Selena, looking back at him quickly. "And I don't know what he's told you, but he's a Death Eater, you can just look at his arm, and letting him into this school is a very bad idea because obviously – "_

_Dumbledore held up a hand; Selena bit her tongue to stop herself from going on._

_"Severus did not deny being in service to Voldemort," said Dumbledore; Selena winced at the name. "In fact, he stated that he was without any prompt from me whatsoever. He deeply regrets the choices he made when he was younger, and came to me to ask me for a chance to redeem himself."_

Redeem _himself?" Selena cried. "He – "_

_Dumbledore's hand went up again, and Selena quieted._

_"He has agreed to take on the extremely dangerous role of spy," Dumbledore went on. "He will pretend to spy on me for Voldemort, while actually merely hiding under a incognito._

_"You are probably wondering why I have called you here," Dumbledore went on in a slightly louder voice, as Selena had been on the verge of interrupting again. "You are one of the few, if not the only person who cares for Severus at this point in time."_

_"I do not care – " Selena started._

_"It is not something to be ashamed of, Selena," said Dumbledore quietly. "Love is something that cannot easily be forgotten. The two of you have shared most of your young lives together, and are – "_

_"I don't care about him!" Selena shouted. "I don't give a damn about how he's doing or where he is or what he's up to, I just want him out of my life!" _

_"Selena," said Dumbledore gently. "I can see that, like your brother, you have mastered the skill of Occlumency. But sometimes, I don't need to probe one's mind to figure out the truth."_

_Selena cringed inwardly at these words, but held her tongue. Dumbledore was obviously not going to listen to her. _Fine, _she thought sullenly, glowering at him. _He's just a foolish old man anyway.

_"Now," said Dumbledore in a pleasant voice, as though he were not being glared at vehemently by his former pupil. "That brings us back to why you're here. Now, more than ever, Severus needs the support of those who care for him, and I'm fairly certain that has not been the case for the past few years. I called for you today because I think that both of you need to accept the other into each other's lives again."_

_The idea of 'holding her tongue' left her head; this was just too much. "Why do you trust him?" Selena demanded. "Just like that? Severus has one conversation with you and you think he's perfectly alright. Is it that easy to gain trust?"_

_"What Severus has told me today is between us," said Dumbledore calmly. "If he wishes to share the details with you, he may do so. But because he trusts me – " he looked at her pointedly " – I will not share more information than needed. Severus Snape is indeed now on our side."_

_This was ridiculous. Did he really expect her to just suddenly trust her brother again, just like that? It was, of course, what she would have loved to believe…but it wasn't true. It couldn't be._

_"Severus is very skilled at Occlumency, like you have stated," said Selena. "He's been practicing it since we were at Hogwarts. How can you tell if he's lying to you?"_

_"What happened this afternoon between Severus and I is going to remain confidential unless he says otherwise," Dumbledore said mildly. "But do consider: if I trust him, there must be good reason. The rest of the staff seems to think so, at least." _

_"Well, he's got one of you fooled," Selena pointed out promptly. "If You-Know-Who still thinks he's on his side, and you think he's on our side, he's lying to one of you. How can you tell who's the one being tricked?"_

_"I trust Severus," Dumbledore proclaimed firmly. "And if I do, then that should be enough for everyone."_

_Selena gazed at Dumbledore, completely perplexed. She wanted to believe Severus had changed, she really did…but she didn't want to get her hopes up and then have them come crashing down again._

_"You…really trust him," said Selena, fidgeting with the hem of her robe._

_"Yes," said Dumbledore, without a bit of hesitation in his voice, and then he repeated, "I trust Severus." He paused, and looked her straight in the eye. "Now the question is, can you?"_


	11. Long Ago Acceptance And Apologies

_She had no clue what to do, say, or think anymore. She stared at Dumbledore critically, tracing her mouth with one finger._

_The Headmaster let her mull things over for a minute, then he asked, "Shall I get Severus?"_

_Selena hesitated. "Yes," she said slowly. "Yes, that would be a good idea."_

_Dumbledore nodded and swept out of the door. Selena chewed on the inside of her lip nervously._

_After several minutes Dumbledore returned, Severus in tow._

_"I shall leave you two," said Dumbledore cheerfully. His eyes twinkled as he shut the door. She watched him as he departed, feeling rather annoyed at how calm he could be through all of this._

_"So," said Selena, looking at Severus. "So…you changed your mind, apparently."_

_"Apparently," said Severus lightly._

_Selena waited, but Severus simply leaned casually against Dumbledore's desk, and gazed at the pictures of the former Headmasters and Headmistresses._

_"Well?" Selena asked finally. "Why?"_

_"Why did I apply for a teaching position?"_

_"No!" said Selena impatiently. "Why did you decide to leave You-Know-Who?"_

_"Surely that would have been obvious to you, Selena."_

_"How's that?"_

_"You said it from the start," said Severus calmly, examining a strange silver object on Dumbledore's desk. "The Dark Lord does not have the right ideas."_

_Selena waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "That's all you have to say?" she finally inquired._

_"That's the truth," said Severus. "I'm admitting you were right, isn't that what you've always wanted?"_

_"This isn't about a stupid childhood game of being right or wrong," said Selena. "What made you change your mind?"_

_"I just told you."_

_"Hardly."_

_Severus continued looking at the strange device. "The Dark Lord does not have the right idea," he said, idly twiddling the object between his fingers. "He may think he is doing good, but…well…he's wrong."_

_"That's all you have to say," said Selena flatly. "That's it."_

_"That sums it up," said Severus._

_"I have to leave," said Selena, standing from the chair and striding away._

_"What for?"_

_"This is a waste of time," said Selena, turning to face him. "If you want me to trust you, you're going to have to be more open than this."_

_"That is not a reason that you have to leave," said Severus, the makings of a sneer beginning to form on his face. "That is a reason you want to leave."_

_"Oh, you want a reason I need to leave?" Selena said, her temper rising. "Well, see – my arm's feeling pretty hot."_

_Severus looked up at her, still absently fiddling with the object. "What?"_

_"My arm's hot," Selena repeated. "They've started using those flat devices at St. Mungo's."_

_Severus cocked one eyebrow, clearly not having a clue as to what she meant._

You _know," said Selena, her eyes boring into his. "Those objects that you attach to your arm, and that heat up when they need you back at work? The devices that you had at your _old _job?"_

_The sneer was gone from Severus' face; they stared silently at each other for a moment, then Selena turned and headed for the door._

_"Selena…"_

_She reached for the door and grasped the knob._

_"Selena, wait."_

_She spun around angrily. "Wait? Wait for what?! I'm done waiting for you, Severus. That's what I did the first seventeen years of my life. But I'm older, and so are you. We've both changed, I don't know about for the better – " she paused as she eyed him, repulsed " – but regardless, we're different now. What's happened has happened, but that doesn't mean that it has to happen again."_

_With that, she turned on her heel and opened the door._

_Severus' next words were so quiet that she barely heard them: "Don't go."_

_He sounded so desperate, so weak, so unlike his normal self. Was his guard wavering? It struck her so hard that she halted right where she was._

_"Just – just listen, without interrupting, for once in your life. Okay?"_

_She didn't turn to face him, but she stayed in the room and shut the door to indicate she would remain, her hand still on the knob._

_"I thought that the Dark Lord was right. All my friends had me convinced – and I had always been intrigued by the Dark Arts. This was everything I wanted. I could observe the Dark Arts up close, watch them, understand them. It wasn't a fascination with the actual torturing initially…it was more just the complexity of everything, the skill…. This wasn't just some weak branch of magic, no more charming teacups to dance or turning a table to a cat…this was bigger, this was real, and this was something that I thought I might want to do with my life, if I could change the way they were used."_

_Selena fingered the doorknob in her hand, feeling the smoothness underneath it._

_"But soon I became convinced that the Dark Arts were a good thing, if used on Muggles and Muggleborns…I always knew that I wasn't much better than a Muggleborn, but…after living with a lie for a long period you often can partially convince yourself it's true._

_"It really is what some people believe is right…Lucius, Bellatrix, all of them…. Soon they convinced me that there really is no right or wrong, no good or evil…only power, and those too weak to seek it."_

_Her fingers continued traveling across the knob; not even in her youth had she listened to a story with such rapt attention._

_"I have done…awful things. I've controlled, tortured, and murdered innocent people."_

_Selena drew in a sharp breath, her hand grasped the knob so tightly her knuckles began to whiten and her circulation was cut off slightly. Unwanted images flew rapidly through her mind, playing out before her eyelids that had snapped shut at his words._

_"I have been trying my best to avoid the Unforgivable Curses ever since my first taste of it, only skimming the outskirts of the Dark Arts, so that he would not question my loyalty. But recently…I told him information that he is planning on putting to great use…and it will result in three murders."_

_He went on to tell her, in that same cool, collected voice, about overhearing a part of a prophecy, and how the Potters' were soon to be murdered. She just listened to him, letting his words wash over her. Finally, she managed to face him. He was still twirling the object absently in his hand, gazing vaguely at the wall._

_"I made a mistake," said Severus quietly. "It's not something I'm proud of, alright? But I did…and I'm living with it. Because that's what we do…live with what we've done, live with our mistakes, the life we've made for ourselves." _

_Selena bit the inside of her lip, her eyes stinging painfully. Now she felt completely lost, she had no clue what to think…all of this seemed so real, what he was saying…but of course, she had been fooled for the first part of her life…. And he was still using Occlumency. Did that mean this was just some story? Or did it just show that some part of him was still scared of others, not to mention of himself?_

_She wanted to say something but could think of nothing. It was funny how, with so many words in the English language to choose from, she could not string any together in that minute. She wanted desperately to trust him again, but should she? Could she? She didn't want her heart playing with her again. But maybe things were different now…_

_After a long silence Severus looked up at her. "If your arm is still hot, you can leave. I've said what I wanted you to hear."_

_It all fell into place for her in that moment: what he said wasn't some made-up story. He was telling the truth – he had to be. His face was, as usual, completely blank, but his eyes had a strange look in them: he looked pained, scarred, apprehensive, almost vulnerable. She did not think she had ever seen such a look in his, or anyone's, eyes. Trying to put the expression in his black eyes into words wasn't possible, but that didn't change it. And that was when she realized: _this is real.

_Her unshed tears spilled freely from her eyes. Her vision blurred, she ran at Severus and threw her arms around his neck, sobbing hard against him. _

_"Selena," he said quietly. "It's okay…everything's fine…"_

_"I'm sorry," Selena managed to choke out._

_"You're sorry?" Severus repeated softly. "No, Selena…I'm the one who should be sorry." _

_An arm wrapped loosely around her back, followed by another. A hesitation, then after a moment they pulled tighter against her. They stood silently for several moments; how long, Selena was not sure, but she did not care in the slightest. Finally Selena pulled away, wiping her eyes. Embarrassed for loosing control like that, something that she (and her brother) had always prided themselves in not doing, she muttered a spell to eliminate the redness of her eyes. She leaned against Severus and placed her head on his shoulder, trying to calm herself. _

_"Severus," she began weakly. "Severus, I…I – "_

_"Some things don't need to be said," Severus said quietly._

And thank Merlin for that, _Selena thought._

_Several moments of silence passed, or perhaps minutes, or maybe even days; then the siblings heard a door creak open. The two hastily jumped apart to their former places; Selena to the chair, Severus leaning nonchalantly against Dumbledore's desk._

_Dumbledore came into his office, smiling. "How are you two doing?"_

_"We've sorted out everything, Headmaster," said Severus, without a trace of emotion in his voice._

_"Wonderful," said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling again. "In that case, Severus, I need you to come with me. Selena, thank you for taking the time to come out here."_

_"Not a problem," said Selena casually._

_"Perhaps we shall see you around?"_

_Selena cast a sideways glance at Severus. "I'd say most likely."_

_Dumbledore nodded, and turned to leave. Severus followed, giving Selena something close to a smile as he exited._

* * *

"Are we all ready?" said Alastor Moody quietly.

"Yes," Remus Lupin replied softly. "I believe so."

Selena voiced that she was, so the threesome set off into the forest.

Although inside, she did not feel ready. She had been more content lately with the present situation, it was true, but she couldn't avoid the nagging voice in the back of her head: _Severus might be here…you could run into him…._ She was scared of what her reaction would be if this thought came true.

_Then again, it's not like he's the only Death Eater,_ Selena tried to reassure herself. _Voldemort probably has hundreds of them by now…_

But they were going into the woods to capture Death Eaters, and perhaps eliminate some dementors; on mission for the Order. What if they caught someone, and it was him? Or what if he showed up in the midst of some battle they were having? What if he knew that they were coming, and he and others were just waiting to spring? What if…what if…what if…

She attempted to shrug off the suddenly increased chill surrounding her, a chill that was both physical and psychological. There were dementors near.

"Are you alright, Selena?" Remus asked quietly.

She jumped slightly. "Yes, yes, I'm fine. Fine." Her tone did not match her words, but Remus let her be, and they walked for several minutes in silence.

A silvery shape suddenly came lunging at her. Selena hastily ducked. Quickly turning her head, she realized the figure was Moody's patronus. It was hurtling straight towards a large group of dementors.

It seemed both Selena and Remus both understood what was happening at the same instant, as their voices rang out in unison: _"Expecto patronum!"_

Selena's black rat snake and Remus' turtle rushed the dementors, right behind the mountain lion. But as the group of dementors spread out slightly, with the ones who had been hidden in the back coming out, they left with violent _snaps_.

They did this twice more, but to no avail. The dementors were simply coming nearer and nearer, enclosing the three.

_"Expecto patronum!"_ said Selena weakly. Her legs were shaking, she felt as though she would be sick at any moment. Her snake vanished only several seconds after leaving her wand.

White fog surrounded Selena; she couldn't see, she couldn't move, she couldn't escape. There was no way out. Voices mingled and blended: she could hear her mother pleading; her father roaring; Severus shouting; herself yelling; and long, terrified screams that belonged to victims of various incidents.

_Let it end, _Selena thought desperately. _Make it stop._

She slumped against the trees and bushes, her robes tangling amongst the twigs and branches. She didn't have any sense of what was happening around her, still immersed in the fog and the voices. She couldn't have known that the dementors were gliding closer, ever closer, towards the three people now quite incapable of movement…

Another voice was drifting into her ears, coming clearer over the rest: "Out of the way! That's right, move it! Go on, get going!"

Even though Selena's thoughts were constricted, she dimly realized that whether it was Moody or Remus who was yelling at the dementors, they were acting rather foolish. You don't just talk to a dementor to make it leave, _what_ did they think they were doing?

Something grabbed her firmly and hauled her upward. The cold was decreasing slightly. Selena tried to talk to whoever or whatever was there, but was too faint to do so. Still enclosed by the fog, she fell limp against the body that was supporting her, and remembered nothing else.


	12. An Encounter

**Over 1,000 reads, yet only two reviews...? (thanks Iva1201 and Devix, by the way :))**

**This is the last chapter, aside from a short epilogue that will follow. Enjoy, and I always love reviews!**

* * *

"Wake up," someone was calling from a great distance. "Come on, wake up." She felt herself being shaken by something.

_Stop it. Leave me alone, _Selena thought deliriously.

"I can't," said the voice, as though it were answering her question. She was being shook again. She made a feeble attempt to lift up her arm and wave the person away.

"That's it," the person coaxed. "Come on, get up."

"Leave…me…alone." It was an effort to get all the words out.

"You need to get up first," said the person, a little impatiently.

_Why? _Selena wondered vaguely. _I like it here in the dark._

"It's dark over here too, don't worry." Now they sounded amused.

After several more prods, Selena managed to crack open a eye. She almost laughed wearily at the face hovering in front of her. _He just can't leave me alone, even in my sleep. _She placed her hands over her eyes and rubbed them tiredly. But when she removed them, she saw the same person.

It took a moment for the fact that this wasn't a dream to settle in. When it did, Selena let out a strangled sort of gasp and slid backwards on the floor, attempting to clamor to her feet.

"Relax," said Severus Tobias Snape, sounding bored; sliding up from his knees smoothly to a standing position. "You were attacked by dementors not too long ago; you don't want to set yourself into a relapse."

Too horrified to speak, Selena managed to push herself off the floor, steadying herself with the wall's support. She grasped a clammy hand around her wand, keeping it inside her pocket.

"I don't have much time," Severus continued in the same lazy, bored tone, "so while you're just standing there, listen close. I need you – "

"What did you do?!" Selena shrieked. She had finally looked around at her surroundings. She was in a small, dark shack thrown together from splintered pieces of wood. Strewn carelessly in a corner were Remus Lupin and Alastor Moody, lying across the floor. Unmoving.

"They're fine," said Severus dispassionately. "They are merely unconscious."

Selena didn't believe him (what reasons did she have to?). She quickly hurried over to them, but still unsteady on her feet, she stumbled.

"I told you to watch it," said Severus, grabbing her arms and pulling her upright.

"_Get your hands off me!"_ To her surprise, he obliged, though this just sent her crashing against the wall. She leaned against said wall and stared at him. "What – are you doing – here?" she gasped, breathing hard.

"I think the more appropriate question would be what are _you_ doing here, but we don't have time for pointless discussions," said Severus smoothly. He turned around so his back was to her, and paced slowly towards the other wall. Selena saw her opportunity, and pulled out her wand. She may have been light-headed, but that didn't mean she couldn't know a chance when she saw it. "Listen close. You need to find P – "

He stopped abruptly. Selena had quietly walked after him, so when Severus turned around, his hooked nose nearly bumped her wand.

"Give me one reason why you wouldn't deserve this," Selena snarled, swaying slightly.

"I could give you several, but you forgot one thing." Severus pulled out his own wand and twirled it in his hand, raising one eyebrow. "Besides, we both know you wouldn't."

"Just because _you're_ a coward doesn't mean we all are," said Selena viciously, the ground rocking beneath her.

A angry shadow flitted across his face, and Selena cringed, preparing herself for anything. But next thing she knew, her brother was holding out a piece of chocolate.

"What," Selena gasped out, teetering on her feet.

"Take it."

"That's how you're going to kill me then?" Selena said, her head spinning. "Food poisoning?"

"If you would calm down for a moment, you would know I have no intent of killing you."

"Then why – " she swayed dangerously " – am I here?"

"Because I have something I need you to do," said Severus impatiently.

Selena laughed thickly, somewhat drunkenly. "What – kill myself? Or maybe you? How about if I just do us both in…and maybe the dementors too…." She rambled on senselessly; she didn't even know what was coming out of her mouth. For a few moments, Severus looked at her with unhidden disgust, then conjured a wooden chair from thin air and placed it down on the floorboards with a loud thunk. Grabbing Selena's shoulders, he pushed her into the chair. For several seconds Selena tried to regain her standing posture, then gave up and slumped into the chair, burying her head in her hands and feeling like she was about to be very sick.

"And I thought you would be easier to deal with than Moody or Lupin," Severus muttered to himself. Then, to her, he commanded, "Eat this," and shoved the chocolate in front of her face. Selena raised one hand weakly, and placed the piece in her mouth. She felt instantly better, somewhat to her surprise, though still not quite herself. She lifted her eyes to his.

"What do you want?" she said in a small, defeated voice.

"Finally," said Severus. "First, answer me this: does Harry Potter attend the Order meetings now?"

"W-what's it to you?" Selena stuttered.

"Everything," said Severus immediately.

"What makes you think I'm going to tell you?"

"I thought you were more likely to than them." He nodded towards the limp forms of Remus and Moody.

"And why would that be?" Selena demanded furiously, her temper bubbling high. "Because I'm female? Thought you could scare me senseless? Or maybe because I'm your sister, hmm? Is that it? Did you – "

"Keep your voice down!" Severus hissed angrily, bending so his face was almost level with hers. "Someone could be here any moment!"

"Oh, _I_ see," said Selena, her strength rising along with her anger, "you want to finish us all off by yourself. Take all the glory, show your Death Eater pals that you are just _so_ – "

"If you would just shut up for a minute," Severus snapped, "you would realize that I don't want them to show up while you're here anymore than you do. Just tell me: do you have a way of meeting Potter within the next week, if not sooner?"

"We have tea every Thursday afternoon," said Selena sarcastically.

"I'm serious," Severus spat through clenched teeth.

"I don't know. Why?"

"Because you need to tell him what I'm about to say. Do not mix up the words at all, otherwise he won't understand."

Selena looked at him suspiciously. "And what am I supposed to tell him?"

Severus' eyes were fixed on hers. "There is one where his father is buried."

Selena blinked. "What?"

Severus repeated himself.

"Is this some kind of half-witted trap?"

"No trap. Just tell him there is one where his father is buried. Do not say where _your_ father is buried, either. You must say _his_."

"And what if I don't?"

"You have to," said Severus hurriedly. She was dumbfounded at the urgency in his tone. "You have to tell him. He needs to know."

"If you want to kill Harry Potter, surely you could think of a way that doesn't involve me," said Selena.

Severus leaned closer. "What if it's not Potter I'm trying to kill?" he asked softly.

"I'm right here," said Selena levelly, though the feeling of sickness was rising high again. "You could just do it now if you want to murder me – "

"Damn it, Selena!" said Severus, straightening himself and striding away from her. "Do you always have to jump to the most half-baked conclusions? It's not you I'm trying to kill either!"

"So who are you trying to kill?" said Selena, not able to keep the sarcasm out of her tone. "Your buddy Malfoy? Your friend Nott? Or maybe a girlfriend of yours – Lestrange?" Severus had stopped walking, and she could tell, much to her satisfaction, she was getting on his nerves. "Or maybe even your 'lord'? Hmm? Is – "

He turned back around to face her, his expression blank. But his black eyes were glittering strangely. "There is one where his father is buried."

For a second, Selena stared at him with wide eyes, then she exploded. "Do you really expect me to buy that shit?!" she exclaimed. "You work for him! You worship the bloody ground he walks on! You don't want him dead! Why – "

"I told you, keep your voice down!" said Severus frustratedly. "Look, Bellatrix is supposed to be here in a few minutes – we're supposed to – oh, it doesn't matter – can you just promise me you'll tell Potter what I've told you?"

"If it's so important, you can tell him yourself," said Selena, standing up to inspect Remus and Moody. She knelt beside the two men.

"I would if I could, believe me."

"Why can't you?" Selena asked, feeling Remus Lupin's wrist for a pulse.

"Honestly, Selena. Do you think I can walk just about anywhere in the present situation?"

She didn't answer him. "They're alive," said Selena quietly, more to herself than anyone else. She could feel a pulse on both Remus and Moody.

"I told you." Severus could not keep the gloating, mocking tone out of his voice.

She looked up at her brother. "You didn't kill any of us."

"Well spotted."

"And you didn't leave us to the dementors. That was you, wasn't it, who saved our lives." Her stomach was clenching and turning oddly.

"I wouldn't call it saving; it sounds too cliché. Besides, the dementors will obey anyone they see with a D – anyone who is in service to the Dark Lord." He rubbed his left forearm vaguely.

She barely heard what he was saying anymore, just stared at him from her kneeling position on the ground. "Why did you rescue us?"

He answered her with a question of his own. "Why not?"

"Well, you did in Dumbledore, didn't you?" said Selena, standing up again and looking straight into her brother's black eyes. "Not to mention countless others."

His lips twisted slightly, but not into his usual smirk. "That was different."

"Of course," said Selena, smiling sardonically. "You certainly seem to underestimate my level of intelligence. I won't use the word _fool_ or _idiot_ about you, Severus, but – "

"Then I'll use them about you," said Severus, clearly losing patience. "You're being a _fool _by not having the ability to believe a damn word I say. Only a _idiot_ wouldn't do what I am telling you – "

"There's an awful lot of idiots in this world, then," said Selena, talking over him. "I guess the brightest people around are all your _friends_ who worship that – "

"You're going to have to tell Potter the message," Severus continued in a dangerous hissing voice, ignoring his sister. "Unless you want to see the wizarding world crumble before your eyes – "

"I already am!" Selena practically yelled. "And so are you – it doesn't help that you are only helping it fall! Don't you tell _me_ – "

"You were never able to see what wasn't placed right in front of you," Severus went on softly, his eyes piercing into hers. "If it didn't come in a neat little bundle, all laid out and explained, you could never just place your doubt aside and believe it. Could never dig deeper than you thought necessary, could you? Not in a situation, not in a person…. You always had to see the best in people, could never admit their faults – "

"I'm quite prepared to admit all of yours, don't worry – "

" – it was always that 'our mum tries', and that 'she just doesn't have it in her'. It was never the truth, which was that she was just a coward – "

"_You're_ the coward in this family, Severus – "

" – Potter and his friends loved to make my life hell, but you always said that I was just as much to blame. It wasn't that you couldn't see what happened, it was just you only saw what you wanted to, just like now – "

"I didn't ever _want _to see that you were a jacka – "

" – then there were the times you just completely didn't understand a person – like when you fancied Blackwood – "

"Just because I've learned to love someone other than myself and you haven't doesn't make me any more of a fool!" Selena shouted.

His eyes flashed with anger, his mouth opened to retaliate, but suddenly his spine stiffened. Selena froze as well. For a split second, the siblings were utterly silent.

"Someone's coming," said Severus in a low voice. "Probably Bellatrix." His eyes flickered onto Selena. "Will you tell Potter the message?"

"Will pigs fly?"

"If you place a charm on them. But I'm serious."

"You want me to be serious? Well then, I'm not telling Harry Potter anything."

Severus seemed to have a silent debate with himself for a moment, then he said, "Ever heard of a Horcrux?"

"Potter wouldn't make a – "

"Of course he didn't!"

"Then what – "

"Never mind," said Severus hastily, though both the Snapes knew it was plain what he had been implying. "Can't you just – "

"No," said Selena shortly.

"Don't you get it?" said Severus quietly, glancing around with a slightly anxious look in his eyes. "Bellatrix is near, we don't have forever – can't you just promise me you'll do this?"

She stared at him dubiously, one eyebrow arched.

"It's both our lives on the line if she finds us like this!" Severus hissed.

"I wouldn't mind dying if I knew my demise had been yours as well," Selena threw back. The words sounded harsh against her lips as they hit the air. Because a part of her – a part she come to detest – was questioning her brother's words and actions. _Again_.

Severus swore colorfully, though it did not seem to be directed at her in particular, more the situation. She heard the soft _thuds_ of footsteps again against the ground outside. The minute was passing, and she was going to have to do something…

Severus seemed to size her up for a moment with his eyes. "I'm not leaving here until I get this done. Now are you going to help me, or are we both going to die today?"

Selena could feel her heart hammering in her chest, _ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump_. All the facts she knew about him were piling into two piles, fighting with each other…. _He saved you…. But he's a murderer, a Death Eater!…. You could have died, or you could have lost your soul, but you didn't, and neither did Remus or Moody…. He fooled you once, didn't he?…. But what if I wasn't fooled?…. You just want to believe the best, Snape…. But then again – but – but – but – _

"Okay."

Severus quirked one eyebrow. "Was that a 'okay' as in you'll do it?"

The word 'okay' had left her mouth on it's own. Her lips had parted, but it had not been her speaking. She gaped at him.

_Thud, thud, thud._

"Yes." That time she had spoke intentionally.

He studied her. "Really?"

She nodded firmly, her eyes locked on his.

Severus was silent for a moment, and after his mouth formed into a crooked smile. "Excellent." Then he cast his eyes toward Moody and Remus. "You may want to revive them soon," he said, as an afterthought. And then he Disapparated without another word.


	13. Epilogue: Conversations

"This concludes the meeting," said Minerva McGonagall tiredly. Selena could not blame her for sounding so weary. McGonagall had done her best to come up with several plans to assist in the war against Voldemort, and she had just learned that one of them had completely failed. Selena, Moody, and Remus had all failed in their attempts to capture Death Eaters and eradicate dementors – and so had all the other groups. For the most part, everyone had come back with no real scars or bruises, but they all had still failed none the less.

Selena wasn't sure if she saw her mission into the forest a failure, but she kept quiet: now was not the time to speak of it.

Several apologies were thrown at McGonagall, who merely repeated over and over that she was the only one to blame for setting things up so poorly. While these exchanges occurred, Selena quietly observed the Order's newest members, whom had just joined around a week ago. Two teenagers whom she believed to be called Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, and another: Harry Potter. The Chosen One. The Boy Who Lived.

The Boy Who She Needed To Talk To.

Soon the meeting did come to an end. "I'll see you later," Selena said to Melissa.

Melissa raised her eyebrows. "We're both going back to St. Mungo's…"

"I've got a few things I need to do first," said Selena, hoping that a note of uncertainty did not show in her tone. But she couldn't tell Melissa about what had happened. She had, of course, told her about being attacked by dementors, but she left out the events following. She couldn't tell her. At least not right now.

"Okay, sure," said Melissa, smiling awkwardly. "Bye."

"See you in a bit."

Melissa strolled out the door. Selena silently thanked Melissa for being such a good friend as to not press her into saying what was going on, then she turned to spot him.

He wasn't difficult to find – was over talking to Moody. She moved towards them. Moody gave her his usual grunt of a greeting, and Harry Potter smiled politely.

"Can I have a word?" she asked him.

"Okay," Harry replied. He bid a quick good-bye to Moody, who nodded and left.

And then it was just her and Harry Potter.

Well, technically not, because other Order members were still milling around. But it certainly felt that way.

"It's good to have you in the Order," said Selena, sticking out her hand.

"Thank you," said Harry, putting out his own to shake with her. "Harry Potter, by the way." He cringed as soon as the words left his mouth. "But then, you probably realized that."

"Yes, I had, but a proper introduction is always polite. Selena Snape." She said her name rather fast so she could get it out of the way.

Harry did a very good job of disguising most of the reaction he might have had upon hearing that her surname was Snape, the only noticeable trace was his green-eyed gaze suddenly becoming sharper. "Ah." He released her hand.

She knew she had to say something quick. "Sometimes I wish that were a common last name," she said, and attempted a feeble laugh. Harry smiled; she could not tell if it was genuine or forced. "But I don't want to talk about my blood relations with you. I have a message, actually, that I am supposed to pass on to you."

"Alright," said Harry.

Watching him closely, she said slowly and deliberately, "There is one where his father is buried."

She watched his face go through a series of emotions: confusion, shock, skepticism, back to confusion. "I – do you…is that all?"

Selena nodded.

"Um…alright…thanks…?"

"You'll carry it out, then?" she inquired carefully.

His expression was just as unreadable as hers, his tone just as precise and casual. "I will look into it."

She nodded again, smiling now. "Okay."

This time Harry offered his hand first. "Thank you," he said.

"Don't thank me, I'm merely the owl here," she chuckled, shaking it.

"May I ask who the sender is?"

She raised one eyebrow. "Yes, you may ask, but I think you already know," she said cryptically. She glanced at her watch. "I'm sorry, but I've got to get back to work. I'll see you at the future meetings, then?"

"Y-yes," Harry stuttered, observing her carefully. Selena bid him good-bye and Apparated to St. Mungo's.

_Do _you _even really know who the sender is, Snape?_ she found herself thinking as she walked through the familiar hallways of her workplace.

It was the question she had asked herself since she was a child, over and over.

_Yes, of course you do,_ she answered herself sharply.

_Who? Who is he?_

She paused, unsure how to answer herself. As she slid on her Healer robes and began moving towards the wards she needed to cover that day, she was still thinking of a response. Then suddenly the answer came, and she smiled to herself.

_Someone you can trust._

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading this far into the story! I'm not totally happy with the end result of this, but quite honestly I am getting a little sick of this story. So, as always, reviews are welcome, even if you have never left one before. -nudges silent readers- :) Again, thank you for reading, I hope you liked!**


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